Seven Times Floridians Shot Themselves by Accident

Categories: WTFlorida

On Wednesday, news came out that Florida ranks second in the U.S. in school shootings since the Sandy Hook tragedy two years ago.

Also, Floridians took advantage of this year's Black Friday and bought themselves a crazy amount of guns. According to the Florida Department of Law Enforcement, it was the third busiest day ever for gun sales in Florida.

This, along with the fact that no other state has more registered concealed weapons permits.

The point is: Florida LOVES guns. And yet, Florida remains Florida. So, bad things are bound to happen when you mix those two facts together.

Here now are seven times (out of the hundreds) when Floridians accidentally shot themselves in the dumbest ways imaginable:

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IKEA vs. Apple Store: Which Is the More Hellish Shopping Experience?

Photo by Håkan Dahlström via Flickr cc
If you combined The Purge with Jingle All the Way, you'd not only have a very dead Sinbad -- let's face it, he'd be the first to go -- you'd have Black Friday.

And as thousands of bloated Americans finish their last slice of pumpkin pie with a sticky fork, thousands more will be finishing the elderly lady who jumped in between them and the last iPad with a rear naked choke.

See also: The Six Worst Places in Broward

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Florida Pastor Claims to Have Delivered Longest Sermon Ever

Photo credit: Silas Barr
On the outskirts of Orlando lies the small town of Mount Dora. Often referred to as the New England of the South and famous for its October bike festival and macabre ghost tours, it is also now the scene where a quirky piece of history has allegedly just taken place. The congregation of Cross Church claims its 31-year-old pastor, Zach Zehnder, broke the record for the longest documented marathon speech on Sunday, November 9.

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Davie Police Officer Accidentally Shoots Himself in the Foot

Categories: WTFlorida

Via Flickr
A Davie police officer was hanging out at Geronimos Bar & Grill, located at 3528 S. University Drive, on Saturday night when the .380 caliber Glock in his pocket accidentally discharged, shooting him in the foot.

The officer, Maiker Sanchez, 36, was not on duty at the time and was having dinner with a party that included other officers from Davie as well as from the Miami-Dade Police force. Sanchez's wife and two daughters were also with him when he shot himself.

See also: Jose Canseco Shoots Off Middle Finger in Gun Accident

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In Student Film, a Young Vanilla Ice Flies Through Space and Talks to the Sun

Categories: WTFlorida

Photo by George Martinez
A young Vanilla Ice, blond hair spiraling out from the top of his head, floats through outer space and approaches the flaming sun, with whom the future performer of "Ice, Ice Baby" begins a spiritual conversation.

This really happened -- in a short film produced by Jillian Mayer and Lucas Leyva of the Miami arts collective Borsht Corp. Cool as Ice is a tripped-out, fantasy-themed biographical film of Robert Van Winkle's journey to becoming the American legend known as Vanilla Ice. (Vanilla Ice starred in a 1991 film of the same name, which was itself remake of the Marlon Brando film The Wild One. This new Jillian Mayer project is unrelated.)

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Allen West Is Leaving Florida for Texas-Based National Center for Policy Analysis

Categories: WTFlorida

Wikimedia Commons
Florida's favorite Tea Party congressman, Allen West, is taking his talents out of Florida and heading to Texas, where he's landed a new gig as head of a Dallas-based think tank.

West, who repped the 22nd District in Broward and Palm Beach and made headlines with his outspoken manner such as calling the Democratic Party a plantation and saying woman have neutered American men, has been named CEO of the Dallas-based National Center for Policy Analysis, a company that promotes "private, free-market alternatives to reforming everything from healthcare to pensions to education."

See also: Allen West Says The Craziest Things

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Mug-Shot Monday: Halloween Edition

Categories: WTFlorida

Sure, technically Halloween is for the ghouls and ghosts, but we know who's really bumping out there in the night: people knee-deep into their worst behavior. To mark the festivities, we combed through recent arrests for a special Halloween edition of Mug-Shot Monday. Enjoy the drunk derp faces, failed costumes, and general sleep-spoiling scariness.

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Jose Canseco Shoots Off Middle Finger in Gun Accident

Bryan Horowitz via Wikimedia Commons
Ex-ballplayer and 'roid-user Jose Canseco shot his own finger off in a shooting accident Tuesday night.

The former major league slugger/book author/time traveler/baby-goat owner was apparently cleaning his semiautomatic pistol at his home in Vegas when the weapon discharged and blew off the middle finger of his left hand.

His girlfriend Leila logged onto Canseco's Twitter account to let everyone know he'd be fine. As fine as a person who just shot off his own middle finger could be, anyway.

See also: Jose Canseco Says He Knows How to Time-Travel, and Now You Can Too!

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Reagan Aide Wants Florida to Secede and Form Antigay Nation Called Reagan

Categories: WTFlorida

Wikimedia Commons
On Tuesday, news broke that the South Miami City Commission voted to have Florida split into two separate states, citing Tallahassee's lack of effort in doing something about the climate change threat.

But now a former Ronald Reagan aide has taken that idea up a notch with a radical idea that could help America prosper.

His suggestion: that Florida should completely secede and become part of a new nation that is allowed to hate the gays in peace.

He wants to call this new nation Reagan.

Yes, this is all true.

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Boca Prankster Vitaly Zdorovetskiy Strikes Again With Chainsaw-Massacre Gag

Categories: WTFlorida

Via YouTube
Boca Raton resident and all-around internet sensation Vitaly Zdorovetskiy has struck a viral nerve once again with a gruesome and terrifying chainsaw-massacre prank.

The 22-year-old Russian prankster, whom New Times profiled last year, has taken his pranking ways up a notch by fooling poor unsuspecting people into thinking they're not only witnessing a horrible murder by a chainsaw-wielding maniac but are then going to be victims themselves.

The new video has already garnered 24 million views on his VitalyzdTv YouTube channel in just a few days.

See also: Prankster Vitaly Zdorovetskiy's Top Ten YouTube Videos

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