Time to upgrade to meerschaum.

Hey, smoke heads: chill.

Seriously.

It's going to be okay. Trust us

There's a lot of paranoid chatter out on the interwebs about the fallout from yesterday's passage in the Florida house of the bong ban. It's understandable. Basically everyone wants to know WHAT IT ALL MEANS? CAN I STILL GET MY PINEAPPLE-FLAVORED TOBACCO ON?

The answer is yes. We're going to clear up some confusion.

See also:
- Bong Ban Bill Passes Florida House in a 112-3 Vote
- Five Reasons Florida Is America's Most Infamous Marijuana State

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This week, the news out of the state legislature was the slam-dunk success of the bong ban. If the Senate pushes through the legislation as well, it means you'll have to truck over the state line to arm up on smoking supplies. For smoke shop owners, it's a possible kill-shot. Despite blah logic of legislating against tools instead of the actual drug trade, the bill sailed through 112-3.

It turns out West Palm Beach's Matt Pafford was one of the members standing in the lonely common-sense minority.

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Bad news, potheads. The House voted 112-3 on a bill that bans the sale bongs and pipes that could be used to smoke marijuana.

Ex-crackhead Rep. Darryl Rouson believes that The Pot is a gateway drug to things like The Crack. Therefore, he sponsored the bill to ban all bongs, glass bowls, roach clips, and other things that can be used as a marijuana smoking device, such as a two-liter bottle and duct tape (although, how these things can be policed is anyone's guess). 

- See also: 

Ten Homemade Smoking Options if the State Bans Bongs and Glass Pieces

- Five Food Bongs: Stoners Stroll Through The Produce Section

This boils down to retail stores not being able to sell these items.

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House speaker, anti-weed guy, half-man/half-orange Republican John Boehner is about to become the father-in-law of a Rastafarian. Awwwww yeah, mon.

Boehner's eldest daughter, Lindsey, 35, is set to marry 38-year-old Jamaican-born Rastafarian Dominic Lakhan at a ceremony scheduled for May 10 in Delray.

Eh mista Bey-ner. Why you so arinj?

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Rolling papers.

The last election season signaled big changes for marijuana in America. Two states opted for legalization, meaning weed use might soon be the accepted norm.

Into that shifting cultural sand steps Alfred Ryan Nerz. After writing a book about competitive eating, the Yale-educated New Yorker dropped down into a funk, in part due to heavy weed use. It got his mental wheels turning about America's relationship to the substance, and pretty soon Nerz was sketching out a new project.

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What, this? Just an artisan vase.

As Florida legislators bat around a proposed bill that would ban the sale the bong and glass smoking devices, head shop owners aren't loafing around while the business is legislated out from under them. An effort is cranking into high gear to challenge the proposal on the hill before it hits the revised code.

See Also:
- Florida Senate Bill Wants to Ban Bongs and Glass Pieces
- Bong Ban Passes Through House Subcommittee, Moves Through Legislature

Running point on the effort is Jay Work, the owner of the four Grateful J's Grateful Deadhead shops spread around Broward and Palm Beach counties. Basically, for the businessman, it's all déjà vu.

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Illegal hardware.

Over in Tallahassee, your state legislators are hard at work deciding whether your bongs and glass pieces should be deemed illegal.

As we told you earlier this year, House Bill 49 would basically ban the sale of bongs in the state. Much like fireworks, you'd have to cross state lines to get your hands on the items -- a pretty controversial stance, at least if the outrage in our comment section was a good barometer of how people feel on the issue.

Well, the legislation just took an important step on the walk from bill to law.

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Last week, we gave you a heads-up about some new legislation in Tallahassee that might throw up roadblocks for recreational smokers. Rep. Darryl Rouson has put up a bill that will ban the sale of bongs and glass smoking pieces throughout the Sunshine State. Florida's Legislature has come down hard on paraphernalia in the past, so it's not so much of a long shot to see a day ahead when head shops' shelves are bare. But let's be honest: Is taking away the tools really going to slow use? Every stoner worth an eighth can tap an inner Al Borland and make do. Here's a field guide of possible alternatives.

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Last month, we told you about New Times regular Robert Platshorn's latest effort to spread the word on medical marijuana. Since late 2012, the former drug smuggler turned activist has been buying up TV time on local stations for an infomercial.

Provocatively titled "Should Grandma Smoke Pot?," the spot aims to educate the elderly on the pros of medicinal legalization, an extension of Platshorn's popular "Silver Tour."

So far, Bobby Tuna has bought airtime in the Tampa area and here in South Florida. His eye has always been on exporting the message to other markets in the Sunshine State.

In the past week or so, it seemed that he'd crack the Orlando market on WKCF, a Hearst Television-owned CW affiliate. But at the last minute, the deal fell apart.  

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Better be careful with those glass pieces, because if one state rep has his way, you won't be able to pick up a replacement anywhere in Florida. A new bill floating through the Legislature seeks to ban pipes and bongs from retail outlets.

The legislation was filed last December. Right now, it's floating through various subcommittees. But this isn't the first time the state has cracked down on smoking devices that may -- possibly, if someone really wants, in an autonomous personal action completely outside the manufacturer's intentions and legal culpabilities -- be used to smoke illegal drugs. In 2010, the state passed a bill that limited paraphernalia sales to stores that made 75 percent of their income from tobacco sales.

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