This guy better be king of Edward Fortyhands.

Academics do a lot of weird studies to get published. The most recent example involves a professor named Nicolas Guéguen hanging around some bars in France to figure out if people with tattoos and piercings are more inclined to get shitfaced than people without tattoos or piercings.  More >>

It would be hilarious to ask this guy where he's from.

​​It seems like there's a tattoo shop on every corner in Florida. Along boardwalks, boozed-up tourists can get an offensive T-shirt, a bong, and a tattoo all in one shop. There are posh parlors that charge $500 for an hour of work and so-called artists that'll give you a lifelong regret for the cost of the needle and ink. More >>

Tim Smith

"Here is a black male hooker working black hooker road tonight."

​Tim Smith, the former city commissioner who once ran for mayor against Jim Naugle and is a frequent jogging buddy of Mayor Jack Seiler, runs a blog in which he sounds off on local issues. He blogged earlier this year about the Food Not Bombs house in South Middle River (to his credit, he actually took the time to speak to one of the residents).More >>

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"Commando" may be in some trouble.

​Last week, we told you about the lawsuit filed against a South Florida porn production company claiming that one of the female stars of a movie called Cum Fiesta was actually a 15-year-old runaway from Palm Beach Shores. Producers claim the girl known as "Bieyanka Moore" deceived them, saying she provided a valid Nevada learner's permit purporting her to be 19-year-old Tyler Chanel Evans.

Of course, in the eyes of the law in Florida, it doesn't matter if the girl misrepresented herself. The state's criminal law decrees that "a minor's misrepresentation of his or her age... may not be raised as a defense" in statutory rape prosecution.

That means that no matter how the civil case turns out, there could be a significant amount of legal trouble brewing for Bieyanka's male costar, a South Florida man known in the porn industry asMore >>

​Yesterday, 34-year-old Dana Alan Carvello was sitting on his porch in Boca Raton, perhaps smoking a doob, when he was allegedly accosted by several men. They beat him about the head and dragged him into his home, where, according to the Palm Beach Post, the men "tied him up," stashed his girlfriend and 4-year-old daughter in a bedroom, and proceeded to ransack the place. Carvello executed a daring escape to a neighbor's house and called the police. By the time the fuzz arrived, Carvello's assailants were gone. The police made an arrest anyway.

They arrested Carvello. For growing pot plants in his garage.

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Courtesy, Kathy Willets

Hot chick Kathy Willets: Probably not as dangerous as narcotics.

​Remember when the Sun-Sentinel gave its experienced, highly paid headline writers a buyout and replaced them with hastily trained gerbils?

No?

Well, frankly, I don't remember it either. Seems like something you'd recall, but oh well. In any case, somebody at the Sentinel should have objected, because now, when I click on the Sun Sentinel's "News" page, I am confronted with these distressing words:

"Prominent South Florida attorney going to prison for online sale of meds: Robert Smoley represented Broward sex couple Jeff and Kathy Willets"

Huzzawhat?
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​Though greyhound racing in Florida pre-dates pro football, baseball, just about every other kind of entertainment, the dog tracks in Broward and Miami-Dade have been losing money on the moribund industry.

Dan Adkins, the president of the Mardi Gras Racetrack and Gaming Center in Hallandale Beach, recently told CBS4's Jim DeFede that his track will lose an estimated $2.5 million on the dogs this year. The Flagler dog track in Miami reportedly loses nearly $2 million a year.

Despite the economic hits, protests from national organizations, and pressure from local animal rights advocates, the tracks keep racing dogs. Why? Because state law requires them to in order toMore >>

Mark Steven Phillips

​The day of judgment has been set in the case of Mark Phillips, the man who up and left in the middle of one of the biggest pot-smuggling trials in American history -- he was convicted in absentia, went on the run from the law for 31 years, was told his warrants had been cleared, returned to Florida and was issued a driver's license in his name, and was eventually arrested in the West Palm Beach retirement community where he was living.

According to an official Notice of Sentencing filed today, on May 26, at 9:30 a.m., Phillips, 62, is scheduled to stand before the same U.S. District Judge -- James Lawrence King -- from whose court he fled so many years ago.

On February 4, 1980, Phillips was found guilty of seven felony counts, for which he still faces what could be more than 30 years in prison.

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​Did Dolphins legend Dan Marino spark up before games?

That's what former NFL offensive lineman Kyle Turley claimed yesterday on the Dan LeBatard Show. Turley doesn't know for sure but said that stories of Marino sparking up before games is the stuff of common locker room lore.

Turley was on LeBatard's show promoting a Super Bowl party he's hosting, and things turned to the illicit while he bragged about how he drinks whiskey straight out of the bottle and smokes medical marijuana. Turley claims he smoked during his career, though never before games, but he heard that Marino did.

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