Defecating, Masturbating Naked Carnie Attacks Fort Myers Home

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Gregory Matthew Bruni
Apparently carnival workers didn't have a bad enough reputation, so Gregory Matthew Bruni decided to add yet another story to the stereotype and "attack" a Fort Myers couple's home using only his bodily fluids and craziness as a weapon.

The naked 21-year-old reportedly climbed on top of Tony and LaDonna Land's house around 7 p.m. Monday. According to a 911 call, the two heard a noise that sounded like thunder above their bedroom. When Tony went outside to see what was happening, Bruni jumped off the roof, landed on Tony, and began punching him.


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Yes, Those Are the U.S. Air Force Thunderbirds Flying Over Fort Lauderdale

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YEAAAAAAHHHHHHH
We're not under attack -- those fighter jets you heard making all that racket yesterday in the skies above Fort Lauderdale are F-16s from the Air Force's Thunderbirds demonstration team, and I'm sorry if the noise woke up your infant or whatever, but this is the coolest thing ever, and that kid needs to be awake to see it anyway. Those planes can go faster than sound. The nap can wait.

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Lee Lewis Discovers That Fake Bazookas Are Apparently Illegal in Florida

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Miami-Dade Corrections
Lee Lewis
Lee Lewis -- the hearse owner with exotic leather outfits who's accused of bringing traffic to a standstill on the Palmetto Expressway a few weeks ago after allegedly leaving his body-hauler loaded with fake guns and explosives on the side of the road -- has had another felony charge added to the list.

According to the Miami-Dade county clerk, Lewis, a 28-year-old Hollywood resident, has been charged with fake bomb possession after originally being charged with possession of ammunition by a felon, possession of a controlled substance, and possession of drug paraphernalia as well as a pair of other misdemeanors.

His bond for the hoax bomb possession charge was set at $7,500, on top of the $37,500 bond already set on the other charges, according to Miami-Dade's corrections department.

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After 235 Fourth of July Celebrations, People Still Injuring Themselves With Fireworks

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bsoblog.wordpress.com
This is your watermelon. Now this is your watermelon on fireworks.
Yet again, the Broward Sheriff's Office is entitled to another told-ya-so moment.

Year after year, the BSO invites media members to see the fire marshal and the bomb squad blow up fireworks on mannequins, including the Gallagher-esque watermelon explosions, as a safety demonstration.

And year after year, people still light fireworks off in their hands, shoot them off in unknown directions, and endanger themselves in the name of fun -- this year at the expense of at least three people in South Florida, including an 8-year-old girl.

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Palm Beach County Brush Fires Are Out; Now Let's Blow Up Some Fireworks

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aspieweb.net
Just in time for the Fourth of July weekend, the State Division of Forestry says there are no more brush fires in Palm Beach County, thanks to a few days of rain.

The Palm Beach County fire marshal put a burn ban on the eastern half of the county that does not include a ban on fireworks. The only problem with that being that fireworks are illegal to use for most people, thanks to Florida Statutes.

Here are a couple of ways to get away with blowing up fireworks anyway:

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Five Florida Officers Have Died in Exploding Cop Cars, Said To Be Worse Than Ford Pinto

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ridelust.com
The Ford Crown Victoria -- the Pinto for cops and robbers
It's the most infamous car used by cops and taxi drivers, and even comes with a big red button when driven by Tommy Lee Jones in Men in Black -- the Ford Crown Victoria.

But according to a Palm Beach Post investigation, the cars are essentially big bombs that have killed 30 cops nationwide since 1983, including five in Florida.

Florida Highway Patrol Trooper Patrick Ambroise is one of those who died in a Crown Vic fireball, after being rear-ended by a Lexus on Florida's Turnpike in Hollywood in May 2010.

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