Florida Panthers Beat Washington in the Longest Shootout in NHL History

jokinen-shootout.png
YouTube
The Florida Panthers made history Tuesday night when they played in an unprecedented 20 round shootout against the Washington Capitals. It was the longest shootout in NHL history, blowing out the previous record of 15.

The final score was 2-1, but it took nearly twenty minutes of edge-of-your-seat-slap-a-random-stranger-with-a-sock-full-of-pennies amazeballs hockey.

Neither team would relent, going 5-5 on 19 shots each with some remarkable shots and saves in between before Robert Luongo and Nick Bjugstad wrecked the Caps' dreams of winning the shootout and gave the Cats a spectacular victory on their own home ice.

See also: No One Showed Up for the Florida Panthers Game Last Night

More »

Six Reasons Dan Marino Should Be Named the Miami Dolphins New Head Coach

marino-statue-joeycortez.jpg
photo: Joey Cortez via Flickr
Miami Dolphins owner Stephen Ross has always tried to look forward when it comes to his football team. Yet he's very much been about aesthetic more than substance. Starting with the orange carpet and selling team stakes to C-list celebrities, all the the way through to those revolting new pseudo-pastiche uniforms and logo fans are now forced to stare at every Sunday -- Ross has forgotten what made the past Dolphins teams so great.

And now, following the Dolphins once again falling apart in December and failing to reach the playoffs, come rumors that current head coach Joe Philbin's days are numbered.

The favorite to land his spot remains the 49ers' Jim Harbaugh. But why keep trying to make a splash with the "big name coach" when the solution is right in our presence already?

Why not just hand the reigns to the greatest Dolphin of all and let him whip this franchise into shape?

We say Ross should name Dan Marino the new head coach of the Miami Dolphins so that the Fins can get back to being pure unadulterated badass, as opposed to what they currently are -- pure unadulterated ass.

Here are six reasons why Marino should become the new head coach:

More »

Miami Dolphins Entire Season of Inanity Encapsulated in First Drive of Sunday's Game

philbin-fish-mouth.jpg
via Twitter
The Miami Dolphins are once again the mediocre soul-swallowing suck monster we've come to know them as thanks to a 41-13 shellacking at the hands of division rival New England Patriots.

Ryan Tanehill was inconsistent (SHOCKING!), the offensive line terrible (NOOO), the defense abysmal (WHAAAT) and Joe Philbin clueless (YOU DON'T SAY).

And the end result is the Dolphins yet again missing the playoffs and yet again finishing a season being nothing more than a mediocre football team that can sometimes pull off a nice win, as long as the team they beat sucks more than they do.

Yet you really didn't have to watch the whole game to figure that out. In fact, you could have just ignored the entire regular season and still know just how mediocre this team is by simply watching the very first drive by the Dolphins offense.

Here's the 2014 Dolphins in a nutshell (or, the five plays of the first drive)

More »

Nine Reasons New England Patriots Fans Are the Worst

9997884.87.jpg
Photo by Michele Eve Sandberg
The 2014 Miami Dolphins' season almost over. And while lots of other sites will be breaking down each game and listing reasons the Dolphins will or won't win while analyzing players, coaches, and match-ups against their respective opponent week to week, we won't.

Not us. Not here. Instead, we're focusing on why every week's opponent has the worst fan base in all of the NFL.

This week, the 7-6 Dolphins are set to play the division-rival New England Patriots on Sunday at Gillette Stadium in Foxboro.

Here are nine reasons their fans are the worst:

See also: Nine Reasons New York Jets Fans Are the Worst

More »

Ten Reasons Baltimore Ravens Fans Are the Worst

ravensfan.png
The 2014 Miami Dolphins season is well underway! And while lots of other sites will be breaking down each game and listing reasons the Dolphins will or won't win while analyzing players, coaches, and match-ups against their respective opponent week to week, we won't.

Not us. Not here. Instead, we're focusing on why every week's opponent has the worst fan base in all of the NFL.

This week, the 7-5 Dolphins are set to play the Baltimore Ravens at SunLife Stadium.

Here are ten reasons their fans are the worst:

See also: Nine Reasons New York Jets Fans Are the Worst

More »

Five Things We Learned From the Dolphins' Beatdown of the Jets

9384912.87.jpg
Photo by Nate "Igor" Smith
It took them until the fourth quarter to get things right, but the Miami Dolphins managed to overcome a rotten New York Jets team and get a 16-13 win. It was ugly. It was brutal. It was not fun to watch (until the very end). But when it was all said and done, the Dolphins are not only 7-5 but have snagged that final wild card slot for the moment.

It's crazy to think about it, but Miami is very much in the driver's seat going forward. No need to root for other teams to win or lose or tie or blow up or move to Canada to get a playoff spot.

If the Dolphins want in, they just have to win.

See also: Nine Reasons New York Jets Fans Are the Worst

Here are five things we learned from last night's beatdown of the hated Jets:

More »

Nine Reasons New York Jets Fans Are the Worst

jes.png
The 2014 Miami Dolphins season is well underway! And while lots of other sites will be breaking down each game and listing reasons the Dolphins will or won't win while analyzing players, coaches, and match-ups against their respective opponent week to week, we won't.

Not us. Not here. Instead, we're focusing on why every week's opponent has the worst fan base in all of the NFL.

This week, the 6-5 Dolphins are set to play division-rival New York Jets on Monday night at MetLife Stadium.

Here are nine reasons their fans are the worst:

See also: 9 Reasons Buffalo Bills Fans Are the Worst


More »

The Dolphins Kick the Dumbest Onsides Kick In the History of Onsides Kicks, Choke Against the Broncos

sturgis.jpg
The Dolphins nearly pulled it off. Nearly were able to take down the juggernaut Denver Broncos in their own stadium. Nearly put themselves in the thick of the AFC race. Nearly gave the fans the most meaningful win in several seasons.

And then they totally Dolphin'd and ended up dropping another heart-wrecker as Peyton Manning threw four touchdowns en route to a 39-36 win.

Now the Dolphins find themselves 6-5 with the playoff window narrowing and their postseason dreams fading fast. And while the offense put up 36 points, it wasn't enough, as the usual potent defense crumbled and faded.

Here are six things we learned from the loss:

More »

Nine Reasons Denver Broncos Fans Are the Worst

BroncosFan.jpg
Photo by Eric Gruneisen
The 2014 Miami Dolphins season is well underway! And while lots of other sites will be breaking down each game and list reasons why the Dolphins will or won't win while analyzing players, coaches, and match-ups against their respective opponent week to week, we won't.

Not us. Not here. Instead, we're focusing on why every week's opponent has the worst fan base in all the NFL.

This week, the 6-4 Dolphins are set to play the Denver Broncos on Sunday at Sports Authority Field at Mile High.

See also: 9 Reasons Kansas City Chiefs Fans Are the Worst

Here are nine reasons why their fans are the worst:

More »

Seven Best Things Giancarlo Stanton Said at His News Conference (With Videos of His Monster Dongs)

stanton-loria.jpg
via @Marlins
The Miami Marlins and Giancarlo Stanton made their mega 13-year, $325 million contract official on Wednesday with an afternoon news conference that featured former and current Marlins players and a crapload of fanfare.

It's obvious the Marlins are pushing a "new era" kind of situation here, and by giving their star player the richest contract in pro sports history, that's certainly a start.

Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria was, of course, on hand as well and called Stanton a "unique player whose natural gifts and talent are unparalleled in this sport."

The 25-year-old Stanton, who is coming off an NL MVP-caliber season by leading the league in home runs (37) and slugging percentage (.555) while ranking second in RBIs with 105, said all the right things to the gaggle of reporters.

Here now are the seven most important things he said as he just became richer than God (bottom line, he wants to win), accompanied by some of his most massive dongs:

See also: Giancarlo Stanton Signs the Biggest Contract in Pro Sports History

More »

Now Trending

General

Loading...