Nine Reasons Denver Broncos Fans Are the Worst

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Photo by Eric Gruneisen
The 2014 Miami Dolphins season is well underway! And while lots of other sites will be breaking down each game and list reasons why the Dolphins will or won't win while analyzing players, coaches, and match-ups against their respective opponent week to week, we won't.

Not us. Not here. Instead, we're focusing on why every week's opponent has the worst fan base in all the NFL.

This week, the 6-4 Dolphins are set to play the Denver Broncos on Sunday at Sports Authority Field at Mile High.

See also: 9 Reasons Kansas City Chiefs Fans Are the Worst

Here are nine reasons why their fans are the worst:

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Seven Best Things Giancarlo Stanton Said at His News Conference (With Videos of His Monster Dongs)

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via @Marlins
The Miami Marlins and Giancarlo Stanton made their mega 13-year, $325 million contract official on Wednesday with an afternoon news conference that featured former and current Marlins players and a crapload of fanfare.

It's obvious the Marlins are pushing a "new era" kind of situation here, and by giving their star player the richest contract in pro sports history, that's certainly a start.

Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria was, of course, on hand as well and called Stanton a "unique player whose natural gifts and talent are unparalleled in this sport."

The 25-year-old Stanton, who is coming off an NL MVP-caliber season by leading the league in home runs (37) and slugging percentage (.555) while ranking second in RBIs with 105, said all the right things to the gaggle of reporters.

Here now are the seven most important things he said as he just became richer than God (bottom line, he wants to win), accompanied by some of his most massive dongs:

See also: Giancarlo Stanton Signs the Biggest Contract in Pro Sports History

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Miami Marlins Are Vowing to Surround Giancarlo Stanton With All-Star-Caliber Players

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Photo by d-deee via Wikipedia Commons
Now that the Miami Marlins have gone against their own stringent rules of not giving a player a giant contract and opt-out clauses, they're apparently going to go against another stringent rule and go after real-life, honest-to-goodness good baseball players.

After giving MVP-candidate and monster-dong-hitter Giancarlo Stanton the biggest contract in professional sports history, the Marlins say they fully intend to surround him with talented players who will make the team a contender.

Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria told the media Monday that the team wants to add other talented players to the squad, in addition to re-signing their remaining most promising players.

"We are going to be surrounding him," Loria said, per the Miami Herald. "We have already started to surround him with all-star-caliber players, and there will be more."

See also: Giancarlo Stanton Signs the Biggest Contract in Pro Sports History

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James Ennis and Shabazz Napier Ended Kevin Garnett and the Nets Last Night

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In the past four years, whenever the Miami Heat needed rescuing from a three-game losing streak, they'd turn to LeBron James. But obviously, those days are over, as King James has left the building.

But no worries, Heat fans. Because there's apparently a new King James in town.

Rookie James Ennis, who has been showing flashes of amazing athleticism since the preseason and murdered Rasual Butler with a devastating dunk in the season opener, came to the aid of a Heat team that badly needed a win after dropping the previous three. And it came in the form of yet another face-melting dunk.

But Ennis was not alone.

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Giancarlo Stanton Signs the Biggest Contract in Pro Sports History

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Photo by d-deee via Wikipedia Commons
Giancarlo Stanton has reportedly signed a massive 13-year, $325 million contract to stay with the Miami Marlins. It's not only one of the most unexpected things the Marlins have ever done; it's also the richest contract in pro sports history -- a record previously held by Alex Rodriguez, who signed with the Yankees in 2008 for $275 million.

Hardball Talks says the deal is done.

Stanton, who is just 25 years old, also has an early opt-out and a no-trade clause, according to CBS Sports.

The opt-out clause will also give Stanton an opportunity to sign a second contractual record when he's past age 30, much as A-Rod did with the Yankees.

It's an odd move by the historically stingy Marlins, but the contract keeps their best player and MVP candidate on their squad through his prime years and maybe even until he's 38, if all goes well. Earlier this year, the Marlins said they fully intended on giving Stanton the largest contract in team history, and we called them out on it.

Looks like we were way off.

See also: Top Ten Giancarlo Stanton Home Runs of All Time

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Bills Fans Blame Refs for Dolphins Thursday Night Slaughter

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via Twitter
The Miami Dolphins opened a very large can of whoop-ass on the Buffalo Bills Thursday night, decimating the Bills 22-9 in a game that was slathered in playoff implications. The winner of this game would move on to challenge for the AFC East title, the loser would be on the outside looking in.

But the Dolphins came into the game with more baggage. Buffalo had beaten them the last three games, and the last four out of five. The Bills also obliterated Miami in their Week 2 meeting.

But the Fins would overcome an uneven first half and came out guns blazing in the second. Yet everyone on the losing end -- from Bills fans to Bills players -- were unable to take the ass-kicking and go home quietly. As it happens after a huge rivalry, people got super salty.

See also: 9 Reasons Buffalo Bills Fans Are the Worst

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Government Transparency Group Won't Say How Much Money it Wins From Open Records Lawsuits

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infrogmation/wikimedia
A group that claims to be a champion of transparency has been filing a slew of lawsuits against Florida's government agencies, ostensibly to force the agencies to comply with public records laws. But just how much money has the group won? They're not willing to say.

Over the past few weeks, the Citizens Awareness Foundation, Inc. has faced accusations that the real reason it's filing so many lawsuits is to win cash settlements, not to serve the public interest. When New Times asked CAFI to show us some of the records they sought and how much they settled for, the open records group denied our repeated requests.

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Miramar Football Protests Decision to Be Banned From Playoffs

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Steve Gorten via Twitter
The Miramar High football team has officially been banned from the state playoffs after the school self-reported allegations of ineligible students and "impermissible benefits" to players. Principal Loli Formoso sent parents an email explaining that the school was pulling out of the playoffs and the reasons why.

On Thursday morning, players, parents, and team supporters showed up outside the Broward County School Board offices to protest the decision.

About 30 protesters waved signs and chanted "Let us play!" in a show of solidarity of their disagreement over the school's decision to pull out of the 2014 Florida High School Athletic Association playoffs.


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Fort Lauderdale Strikers Will Be Playing in the Championship Match This Weekend

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Via Twitter
In case you haven't been aware, Fort Lauderdale has a professional soccer team. And, as it turns out, it's one win away from winning the league title after upsetting top-seeded Minnesota this past weekend.

The Strikers, who make their home at Lockhart Stadium, pulled off the upset Saturday when they took down the Minnesota United FC in the North American Soccer League semifinal.

They'll now be traveling to San Antonio to face the Scorpions for all the soccer marbles.

See also: Five Hottest Players on the Fort Lauderdale Strikers Soccer Team

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Leodis McKelvin on Upcoming Game Versus Dolphins: "We're Going to Beat Their Ass"

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The Miami Dolphins and Buffalo Bills could have headed into this Thursday's matchup looking to go 7-3 and positioning themselves for a strong push to win the AFC East.

Instead, both teams were beaten and now both teams are staring at a game that, should they lose, will bury them in a very deep hole.

But that's not stopping Bills cornerback Leodis McKelvin from talking some serious trash and guaranteeing that Buffalo is going to come to Miami and take down the Dolphins in the battle of Who's Less Mediocre in the AFC East?

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