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If only it were that simple.

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Florida loves to pass laws solidifying the state's solid traditional values -- there's the gay marriage ban we put into the state constitution in 2008, the law against sleeping with your roommate, the law against "unnatural" acts, the one completely outlawing commercial phone sex... the list goes on.More >>

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Facebook.com

Fisher's all grown up now.

​If you fancy a little '90s nostalgia with your lap dance, be sure to stop by T's Lounge in West Palm Beach this week to catch the featured dancer. 

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Sex is so common in South Florida that it's even done at our pizzerias. For more photos, click here.

​If you've given a read to this week's cover story in New Times, you know we South Floridians like our kinks. OK, maybe you knew that already.

But the results from our first sex survey give credence to what we already knew about our heated-up libidos.

The full results, culled from the 479 entries, are below.

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Miche Ratto

​We know you Floridians get down and dirty. It's not because Florida is a mecca for swingers. And no, it's not because The Daily Show spent some time on our turf swallowing fistfuls of Viagra with the elderly community.

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menofporn.com

"Commando" may be in some trouble.

​Last week, we told you about the lawsuit filed against a South Florida porn production company claiming that one of the female stars of a movie called Cum Fiesta was actually a 15-year-old runaway from Palm Beach Shores. Producers claim the girl known as "Bieyanka Moore" deceived them, saying she provided a valid Nevada learner's permit purporting her to be 19-year-old Tyler Chanel Evans.

Of course, in the eyes of the law in Florida, it doesn't matter if the girl misrepresented herself. The state's criminal law decrees that "a minor's misrepresentation of his or her age... may not be raised as a defense" in statutory rape prosecution.

That means that no matter how the civil case turns out, there could be a significant amount of legal trouble brewing for Bieyanka's male costar, a South Florida man known in the porn industry asMore >>

Lisa Rab

Yes, those are (sort of) Beach Boys.

​Amid the sunshine and glittering surf of a Sunday afternoon on Lake Worth beach, the scene was hard to miss. A cluster of tanned, leggy college girls in short, tight shorts chased a volleyball around the net with a rumpled-looking group of guys in sweaty T-shirts. Occasionally, they were interrupted by shouts from an earnest if not entirely enthusiastic cheerleading team.

The ladies were not your ordinary beach beauties. They were chaste coeds from Palm Beach Atlantic University, the private Christian school in West Palm Beach where sins such as drinking and premarital sex are strictly prohibited. The men, meanwhile, were modern members of the Beach Boys, the bubble-gum '60s band that has long extolled the virtues of "California Girls."

Granted, these guys were far too young to be original Beach Boys. But they were part of the reincarnated band playing under that name at the Kravis Center last night.

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...all the kids are doing it...

​If a new Florida Senate bill becomes law, the Sunshine State will finally have a legal definition of "sexting" - sending sexual advances or photos via text message. That may sound like a silly thing for the state legislature to be working on during a period of such economic uncertainty and nasty partisanship -- and it is -- but the law would essentially decriminalize the act when done by minors. It's an important issue to people like Phillip Alpert, the Orlando teen charged with multiple felonies (he is now a registered sex offender) after sending a photo of his girlfriend to dozens of her friends and family during an argument.

But the bill also serves another purpose. In a state filled with not-so-tech-savvy retirees, the new law -- sponsored by Sen. Charlie Dean (R-Iverness) -- creates an official definition of sexting, so everyone can understand exactly what all the whipper-snappers are up to these days.

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