(Osceola County Sheriff's Office)

A young Osceola County girl was alone at a mailbox located at 4750 Cirento Drive in the Siesta Lago community.

She was allegedly approached by a man who asked her for the time.

The unidentified juvenile reached for her phone to see the time, and when she looked up, the man had his penis out and was touching it.

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Don't believe anything the media tells you. Ever.

Americans have long tolerated if not wallowed in conspiracy theories. Lee Harvey Oswald wasn't alone when he shot Kennedy. Aliens landed in Area 51. We never got to the moon, etc. etc.

But quite possibly the most despicable and callous of all conspiracy theories recently rose from South Florida. James Tracy, an associate professor at Florida Atlantic University, has questioned whether the Sandy Hook killings -- in which 20 babies were killed by a haunted and disturbed young man -- ever happened. It could all be a hoax, he says, yet another example of collusion between the U.S. authorities and the "corporate media."

"While it sounds like an outrageous claim," he wrote on his blog, one is left to inquire whether the Sandy Hook shootings ever took place -- at least in the way law enforcement authorities and the nation's news media have described."

See also:
- TODAY'S UPDATE: The James Tracy Saga: Students Rally Behind Embattled Professor
- FAU's James Tracy: More Media Conspiracies and Lunacy. Fire This Guy Fast.

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Michael Scott Girard

According to Stuart Police, an elementary school janitor, Michael Scott Girard, 25, placed a smartphone behind a ceiling tile in the girl's locker room.

Scott worked for Pine School, which is a private school for kindergarten through sixth grade.

According to the arrest report, two girls -- ages 11 and 12 -- discovered the phone in the locker room and looked to give it to the first adult worker in the school they could find.

Believing a boy placed the phone there, the girls handed the cell over to Girard himself.

But unfortunately for him, the two Nancy Drews followed up with on the discovery with the school principal.

And I would've gotten away with being a total pederast too, if it wasn't for you meddling kids!

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As far as identity thieves go, Coral Springs resident Dorothy Boulin is among the scummiest.

Last week, Boulin was sentenced to five years in prison and three years' probation for running a scam that pilfered the social security numbers of U.S. Marines and filed fraudulent tax claims in their names.

Court documents show that at least one of the victims was actively serving in Afghanistan when Boulin filed a tax claim using his social security number.

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BSO

Jesus Mendez

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Dan Burrows, alleged to be pretty much the worst friend since that Iscariot fella 2,000 years ago.

​Deputy Sheriff Michael Collister was hired by the Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office in 1983. He served on the SWAT team, won awards, saved lives. In May 2010, after 27 years on the force, he was diagnosed with stage-IV bile duct cancer -- essentially a death sentence. According to police, his friend spent last December shaking him down for the pain medication he'd been prescribed but was too weak to defend.
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The remnants of the family's home on their front lawn after the "eviction," also known as a burglary.

​While Kevin Hershewe and his family were out of town for Christmas, their landlord "evicted" them from their Lake Worth home.

By "evicted," we mean that the Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office is investigating it as a burglary.

Hershewe wasn't exactly prepared for how this landlord-tenant dispute would end -- coming home with his family around Christmas to find his house broken into, with what was left of his family's belongings, including the children's toys, strewn across the front lawn.

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Rothstein and Melissa Lewis, celebrating her promotion to partner in the firm.

​Nearly four years after attorney Melissa Britt Lewis' murder, questions still swirl about the crime. Tony Villegas, the man charged with strangling her and dumping her body in a canal, has not yet faced trial. He was ruled mentally incompetent last year but has since been deemed fit for court. Tony's ex-wife and Lewis' best friend at the Rothstein Rosenfeldt Adler firm, Debra Villegas, is in prison for aiding in Rothstein's Ponzi scheme.

Many people still wonder if Rothstein was involved in Lewis' death. Did she discover his scheme? Did he want to get rid of her?

Miami defense attorney Sam Rabin fished for answers during Rothstein's December 16 deposition. Rabin -- who represents a TD Bank vice president under criminal investigation

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via YouTube

Spoiler alert: Oba Chandler

​Convicted rapist and triple murderer Oba Chandler was executed at 4:25 p.m. today inside the Florida State Prison, according to the Department of Corrections.

After gobbling down a pair of salami sandwiches, one peanut butter sandwich, and some tea, he managed to jot down a last statement before meeting the state's juice.

Check out the note after the jump:

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Those would be the pants of Fred Phelps.

​The creeps from the Westboro Baptist "Church" didn't show up at the funeral for 24-year-old U.S. Army Spc. Jordan Christopher Schumann in Fort Pierce last night, which is good news for the rest of the 6.95 billion people on Earth who aren't part of the Kansas cult.

On the other hand, that would also make the church's pastor, Fred Phelps, a liar.

Phelps called the Pulp yesterday morning to let us know his minions would be dropping by with their "God Hates Fags" signs about half an hour before the funeral -- which never happened.

As "Pastor" Phelps should know, the Good Book has a thing or two to say about liars.

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