The Guy Who Wants to Marry His Computer Is Back With Another Insane Court Filing

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Jeff777BC via wikimediacommons
Baby, you look so nice tonight in that black plastic.
The world is filled with bitter little men who talk tough in legal filings, and Chris Sevier is a champ among them. Last month, the chronically annoying self-described "former Judge Advocate and combat veteran" tried to insert himself into a federal court case to see if Florida will acknowledge gay marriages performed elsewhere. His tongue-in-cheek argument: Damn, if we're going to let the gays marry, why can't I marry my "porn filled Apple computer?"

Judge Robert Hinkle rightfully flushed his request and ordered Sevier to go back to his porn stash while the adults discuss serious business. Sevier didn't like that. He particularly, it seems, didn't like that his request was called "satirical" and "removed from reality." This week he filed another motion with the court for reconsideration.

In the new filing, Sevier, who is a lawyer, rambles all over the place, discusses how Muslims had a hand in the Holocaust, defends the Duck Dynasty guy, and generally shoots his witless, mouth-foaming haterade in every possible direction.

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"Bathing in Nude Condition": Skinny-Dip Arrests in Fort Lauderdale

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Photo by Harrieta171 via Wikipedia Commons
As if herpes and irritable seagulls weren't enough, Fort Lauderdale spring breakers can now add another potential hazard to their list of things to avoid on the beach.

"Bathing in Nude Condition" is against the law in Fort Lauderdale. This is the exact phrase used by a cop on a city police report (and quite possibly plagiarized from a Jane Austin sex scene... or Fernandina Beach city ordinances.)

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Nudists: We Didn't Break Guinness World Record for Skinny Dip

Categories: Nudism

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Flickr cc/ Arne Hendriks
Bummer -- according to a newsletter from the Florida Naturist Society, the group's November 3 attempt to break the Guinness World Record for most skinny dippers at a single location -- Haulover Beach -- did not work.

Although the group had 805 dippers registered and told the Miami Herald on event day that they were sure they'd broken the record, further review of the evidence proves that isn't quite the case.

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Used Socks Sold on Craigslist: Inside South Florida's Smelliest Foot Fetish

Categories: Nudism

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So this, apparently, is a thing.
We've all got our kinks, but some are more difficult than others to satisfy. Every porn or sex shop sells vibrators and lube. It may even hawk strange and edible undergarments.

But what it doesn't have?

Horrendously smelly socks.

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Naked Bed-and-Breakfast Place Upsetting Neighbors

Categories: Floriderp, Nudism

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Brevard County bed-and-breakfast Alta Vista Hilltop Retreat provides a relaxing spot for guests looking to get away from it all by spending some time in the large pool, hot tub, and sundeck, all while being stark-raving naked.

But neighbors who live in the Cocoa subdivision near the resort are organizing against the joint that the owner calls a "naked hangout club."

The neighbors say the resort draws too many people and is obscene.

And also, they claim to be disturbed all the noisy gay sex that allegedly happens there.

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Local World Record Skinny-Dip Rescheduled for This Sunday

Categories: Nudism

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Andres David Lopez
Last week, New Times told you about a nude world record attempt -- for the most people skinny-dipping simultaneously. The stunt included dippers at multiple venues (mostly nudist resorts) across the U.S., Mexico, and Canada. That record-breaking attempt took place last Saturday, July 13, but the official tally is not yet in, so organizers don't know if they succeeded in breaking the 2010 record of 14,110.

But there's another naked-swimming record: most skinny dippers at a single location. Breaking this record is a bigger deal, some local nudists say, because it would make the winning location stand out above the rest.


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Defecating, Masturbating Naked Carnie Attacks Fort Myers Home

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Gregory Matthew Bruni
Apparently carnival workers didn't have a bad enough reputation, so Gregory Matthew Bruni decided to add yet another story to the stereotype and "attack" a Fort Myers couple's home using only his bodily fluids and craziness as a weapon.

The naked 21-year-old reportedly climbed on top of Tony and LaDonna Land's house around 7 p.m. Monday. According to a 911 call, the two heard a noise that sounded like thunder above their bedroom. When Tony went outside to see what was happening, Bruni jumped off the roof, landed on Tony, and began punching him.


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Nadya Suleman, AKA Octomom, Scheduled to Dance at Palm Beach Strip Joint

Categories: Nudism
Wait, I have to keep all these?
Yup, looks like this is happening.

About a year ago, Palm Beach County's hopes were high when word spread that a local strip club would host the inaugural naked shimmy (just the tops, not the bottoms -- keep it classy) of Nadya Suleman, known the world over as Octomom.

Those plans were 86'd when an employee of T's Lounge was featured in a local TV spot badmouthing Suleman. She-of-freakish-fertility took the comments as offensive and canceled the event. Cue lawsuits, mayhem, broken dreams, and a strangely contentious debate over the accuracy of Google maps.

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(VIDEO NSFW ) Save the Nudists: The Life of a Young Naturist

Categories: Nudism

In late November, we dove into the lives of Robbe White and Anna Phillips, two South Florida nudists who started a group dedicated to recruiting and exposing young people to the naturist lifestyle.

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College Group Plans Naked 5K Run to Promote Nakedness (Video)

Categories: News, Nudism
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AquaSun Events
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Convincing college kids to bare their naughty bits doesn't sound like a tough sell. But Daniel Phillips, 25, says some youngsters must be persuaded that nudists are "not just old hippies." 

That's why Phillips is helping to organize the Streak Sunsport Gardens 5K, a clothing-optional run/walk at the Sunsport Gardens Family Naturist Resort in Loxahatchee on August 27. The event is a fundraiser for Vita Nuda, a college nudist group that caters to people ages 18 to 30. It will be the first nude run of

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