Blogs

Not much time this morning, so just a few South Florida media news gems to pass along:

-- Scott Hiaasen's report on the continuing fallout of Arthur Teele Jr. A co-defendant in a criminal case is expected to go on trial soon and his lawyer, Richard Sharpstein, promises: "Even in death, we will vindicate Art Teele's name.'' Spare us the melodrama, Dick.

-- The Herald's Jennifer Lebovich tells us about the auditor of Southwest Ranches quitting because the town's records are in such disarray. This is the same town that contracts out the government to former Broward County finance director John Canada, a man who has turned the town into an incestuous pit of insider land deals involving insiders like Richard Rubin (husband of county commissioner Diana Wasserman-Rubin) and wheeler-dealer/ex-con Ira Cor. I wrote about this place last year and had some impact, but thanks to our incredibly lame state attorney, Michael Satz, the town's government is still a festering sore of corruption. On the plus side, there's real pretty horses out there.

-- The Sun-Sentinel's new Palm Beach County political writer, Josh Hafenbrack, illustrates why it's imperative that the Democratic Party get Howard Dean back on his Ritalin. Katherine Harris as Stalin? Well, her role in electing George W. Bush in 2000 certainly puts her in the pantheon of historic wrongdoers (considering the result), but seriously, I doubt she's killed half as many people as the Russian dictator. Dean is a jackass, if for no other reason than the fact he's giving people a reason to actually feel sympathy for Kruella Harris.

-- News 6, via the Sun-Sentinel, tells us about one Hollywood cop's very bad day at the office.

-- There's a fourth human casualty of lobster season and a fifth person missing, the Palm Beach Post's Kevin Deutsch informs us. Wake up, people. This senseless slaughter is only blowing up in our faces. Lobster-killing, what is it good for? Absolutely nothing. (Except the unmatched taste of succulent white claw meat dipped in hot butter).

-- And the Sentinel's Scott Travis does a good job of bringing us up to speed on FAU's clusterfuck of an election.

(Gonna be on Barry Epstein's radio show (1470-AM or on the Internet here) at 10:20 a.m. Barry's talking to Democratic gubernatorial candidate Jim Davis right now).

-- As the Miami Herald tells us in its web tease, a fellow shot his own cat's "head off" and had to go court. Then reporter Amy Sherman tells us all about the case of the murdered cat. First thought: anybody who has [lived with] a cat that is drifting into insanity and disease can relate with what this guy did. Hell, Mama Kitty was at least 13-years-old. It was time to go. An idiotic case from the get-go, another colossal waste of time delivered to us from our Broward State Attorney, Michael Satz, who should have stopped his assistant, Yasser Kader, from dragging this thing into court. I'm glad common sense prevailed and the jury acquitted Michael Stueve of animal cruelty charges. Now go free, you crazy bastard, go free.

-- My how the mighty have fallen. I remember Nathan Avrunin from the Georgia Roberts/Kristi Krueger case and he's mentioned in my book. After reading Tonya Alanez's story in the Sun-Sentinel, I wonder what's worse -- getting arrested for domestic violence or getting whipped in court by a kooky soccer mom.

-- Just more reason to legalize marijuna. It's ridiculous that our government allows criminal syndicates to be built around weed.

Singer (in wig) and Satz goon it up (former Herald staffer and current Satz flack Ron Ishoy is on far left)

Our esteemed state attorney, Michael Satz, is on the cover of the Sun-Sentinel's Society section today. Apparently he's a honcho in the American Cancer Society, an indication that he might actually do something in this world other than sit on public corruption cases until the accused official is dead, out of office, or nobody remembers what the complaint was about in the first place.

He's in proper company. Next to Satz is personal-injury attorney David W. Singer (unfortunately I couldn't access Society on the Sentinel's website -- and really, you can't blame the paper for not keeping an electronic record of it). The pair are long-time partners in organizing the cancer society's "Up the River Cruise" fundraiser, which involves a "fun jail." Y0u might know Singer from those unbelievably awful "Aunt Betty" commercials that air during the Marlins games. You know, the ones where he seems like such a dolt and is so obviously reading from cards that you wonder if it's a put-on. But he does it out of love. According to his website: "A life-long concern, for people in need of help, has kept David in a legal career dedicated to representing victims of accidents." What a guy.

For a kick, you need to check out Singer's MySpace page, which he writes that he opened for "friends." And he has 56 of them. Unfortunately they only get on there to abuse him. Here's a selection:

"Stop cutting into my marlins games. Second, your commercials are the most annoying pieces of trash in the world. Screw your Aunt Betty."

"stop clogging up the television with that filth.......stupid ambulance chaser"

"i grew up with your damn comercials ... fuck the marlins games!!"

"I am so quitting law school after seeing this schmuck advertising on myspace....is this the life I have to look foward to?"

"Singer, I just felt like saying you suck again. You suck."

Satz and Singer. What a team.

The dashboard thing on the New Times' archaic blogging system shows me sites that link to the Pulp and one yesterday was the Florida, Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Democratic Caucus. They ran the You Have the Right To Remain Absolutely Fabulous post in its entirety -- only with one major difference. They switched out the photo at right for this more sedate one.

It reminded me that an editor at a local publication privately -- and lightly -- chided me earlier this week for running the original photograph in the first place. Said it was a "promotion of inaccurate gay stereotypes."

Maybe so. I'm not going to lie and say I had no idea that a few people might find if offensive when I put it up there. But I felt I had to stick to my own principles, one being that things that are funnier than hell must trump taste and sensitivity every single time.

But hey, I support gay marriage, for a lot of reasons, not the least of which is it's the only decent position to take ("civil union" is a copout, my Democratic blowhard brothers). These holy rollers ought to be for it, too. I mean, they're always carping that gays are deviants who will fornicate with anything, anytime, anywhere. So what are they afraid of with this marriage thing? That gays and lesbians might become more respectable?

Yes, precisely. The idea of normalizing homosexuality scares the bejesus out of the Christian Coalition, even though marriage and other advancements, like, say, shared health benefits, would ultimately lead to more conformity -- and, yes, even conservatism -- in the gay community.

It really ought to be the other way around. Republicans should demand that gays get married and, dammit, stay married. And the Democrats ought to be against it, if covertly, for sheer realpolitikal reasons. Once gays get all the rights and privileges of everyone else, they won't need the Democrats anymore. If they are kept marginalized, however, they'll be in the Donkeys' corner forever. (Cue diabolical laughter).

One more thing: Why the hell are "bisexuals" recognized in the title of that caucus? I understand transgendereds being rep'd officially, since they are a bonafide brand of wingnut. But bisexuals? What the hell kind of laws are they trying to get passed? The right to walk down the middle of the road?

It's Here

This, people, is the 100th Pulp post on the New Times site. And, you know, it only feels like 97 or 98. So what better time to unveil Pulp, The Book. Florida Pulp Nonfictionstill hasn't been released, but you can have a copy shipped to you now if you click here. Florida Pulp is sort of the like this blog, only with solid research, good writing, and some semblance of professionalism. I'm not going to hawk FPN too hard here. Suffice it to say that I think every Floridian should keep a copy in their homes, preferably by the toilet. It's a great read for the crapper. That is my only guarantee.

So what is it? Florida Pulp is full of sex, drugs, violence, and soccer moms. And I ask you, what else worthwhile is there in life? In it, there is Georgia Roberts, the accused stalker of WPLG anchor Kristi Krueger who shot her high school's homecoming queen. There's a haunting tale about serial killer Lucious Boyd and the horrific shortcomings by not only a very bad Broward Sheriff's Office deputy but the entire justice system. The Coral Springs Police Department comes in for a beating for its handling of the deaths of a couple involving enough cocaine to kill a water buffalo. Can't forget the definitive story of the downfall of legal lion F. Lee Bailey. Local P.I. extraordinaire Max Caulfield pays a visit, as does September 11 ringleader Mohamed Atta, who never should have slipped past the feds at Miami International Airport. And then there's Frank Lee Smith, one of the great failures in a long line of great failures by State Attorney Michael Satz.

The great Joe McGinniss, author of The Selling of the President 1968 and Fatal Vision, calls Florida Pulp a "precise, illuminating, and often wildly funny look inside 21st Century Florida." And bestselling true crime writer Aphrodite Jones (whose work was the basis for the movie Boys Don't Cry) wrote that it was a "shocking portrait of the streets and beaches of our American paradies" that left her "spellbound." A few other authors -- A.J. Langguth and homies Sean Rowe (Fever) and Robert Andrew Powell (We Own This Game) -- were also kind enough to say some nice things.

The book would never have happened without the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, which financed the venture as part of a journalism award. All I had to do was put together the best damn crime stories (period) and rework them a bit. I call it the writer's cut. I also updated each story and added introductions. And I name numerous reporters in the Acknowledgements, including many who surely read of this blog. It was a strange, spontaneous thing I did before sending the final draft into the publisher. Click here to check out the list.

You can get it on Amazon (and a few strange folk, according to the ranking, already have) but it's cheaper to order here.

Usually would save this for Monday, but today is a big day. Christian Zapata, one of fired deputy scapegoats in the BSO crime stats scandal, was acquitted. Between the two big dailies, the Sentinel's Tonya Alanez had the superior coverage on the jury's wise decision, highlighting defense attorney Alberto Milian's teeth-jarring, straight-to-the-gut, and dead-truth rhetoric:

Milian in St. Pete Times

"Going after these officers has been nothing but a cover-up and an injustice and an absolute misuse of the powers of the State Attorney's Office," Milian said. "They should have been going after the sheriff and not these deputies that were protecting our community."

Hells yes. Milian is one who gives us hope this county can be saved. And he's been through the fire. The conservative Cuban's father, Emilio Milian, was a radio host who had his legs blown off in a car bombing in Miami. Emilio's crime: Saying that fellow Cubans who advocated terroristic methods against the Castro regime were wrong. I guess that's what can happen when you call out terrorists, but it gives you an idea of honor and conviction coursing through the younger Milian's blood.

I'm not going to go on too much about Milian here. Read my old colleague Paul Demko's excellent feature story about him instead. While you're at, check out this fine piece in the St. Pete Times. Sure he's controversial, but who worth a damn isn't? Milian is an independent firebrand in the best sense, a guy who likes to fight on the side of right rather than the side of might. And he fights like hell. This time, he punched Broward's disgraceful State Attorney Michael Satz square in the mouth.

The Face Behind The Disgrace

The Zapata trial is just one more in the growing list of humiliations for Satz, who had the gall to go after rank-and-file deputies while protecting the obviously corrupt sheriff, Ken Jenne. That isn't just incompetence. It's injustice, more proof that Satz is a very bad seed. And there's no better replacement than Al Milian, who was employed in Satz's office for many years as a pitbull prosecutor. Milian would be tough on criminals -- including those holding elected office and leech off the public trough. Broward County needs this guy.

He fought Satz and convinced the jury to strike a chord for decency. It's a tune we don't often hear in Satz's Broward County -- and it was music to Milian's ears.

The Sun-Sentinel played catch-up to the Miami Herald this morning on the Ken Jenne sweepstakes and did a decent job of explaining the mystery $20,000 loan. Almost as good as the Herald, which maintained its ownership of the story.

Interesting newspaper horserace aside, I am amazed by Jenne's cheap cunning. Think about it. The sheriff needs $20,000 to pay his income taxes and is broke (what did he do with all that money he makes, anyway? is he a crackhead, too?). Jenne knows just the guy who can loan him the money, the insanely rich developer Philip Procacci.

Problem: Getting the money from Procacci would look like a corrupt deal, since the developer rents buildings to BSO. In Florida, all it has to do is have the appearance of a quid pro quo for prosecutors to make a felony unlawful compensation case (though you wouldn't know that from the inept and sold-out Broward State Attorney Michael Satz). It need only look like a "meeting of the minds," as the Florida Supreme Court put it.

Solution: Jenne uses his own BSO secretary, Marian Yoka, as the middlewoman. He tells Procacci that Yoka needs the money. Procacci loans the money to the secretary. Then she turns around and secretly gives it to Jenne.

See? How can there be a corrupt deal when Procacci doesn't even know he's giving the money to the sheriff? There's no meeting of the minds; one side is completely in the dark.

This is just the kind of shit that can fly in Michael Satz's Broward County. You can see the SAO close-out memo now. "While it doesn't look good, no jury would convict the sheriff because there is no clear evidence of a quid pro quo." The problem for the sheriff now is that he's in the grips of the feds. And I don't think their imaginary jury is quite so clueless as the one that Satz always has in mind.