The Indiana Pacers' Paul George had himself a coming out party. He led Indiana with 27 points, and hit an impossible 30-foot three-pointer to stun the Miami Heat and force overtime. Then, with just 2.2 seconds remaining in the OT, George hit three consecutive free throws to put the Pacers ahead.

And then LeBron James went ahead and completely obliterated all of those nice achievements in one fell swoop of massive soul sucking, dong smashing, Cobradicking atomic-powered game-crushing layup that shook the pillars of the heavens and made it rain blood in the streets of Indianapolis.

The Heat were able to take Game 1 of the Eastern Conference Finals in a nail-biting, nut-kicking 103-102 overtime victory.

Here are the three ways they got it done:

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Oh, the media.

Always looking for that juicy story-line to making the NBA playoffs even more riveting than they already are. Especially when LeBron James is involved. Because people hate that guy. And that just means RATINGS BONANZA-PALOOZA!

But when that story-line doesn't present itself, the next best thing is to focus on the matchups and in-game analysis.

Ha. Ha. Just kidding. The next best thing is make shit up and then run with it.

Because, the media.

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Dwyane Wade would like us all to talk to his ass.

After dealing with an annoying and painful bone bruise in his right knee, and playing like a shell of himself, it seemed that the whispers of his demise came stronger and harder than ever before.

We even suggested he should sit out last night's Game 5 against the Chicago Bulls to rest up for the Eastern Conference Finals.

The doubters came from everywhere, and as the game wore on, it was apparent Wade was drowning in pain and taking us all down with him.

But then, just when the Heat needed a jolt to close things out, Wade reminded everyone that he is an unflinching dynamo of ass-wreckage, and took a flamethrower to the Bulls, the haters, and the doubters.

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The Chicago Bulls, fresh off having their their asses blown off in Friday's game three, decided to go the ole "HEAD GAMES" route before last night's game four.

The Bulls turned the tables on the narrative of this series -- that they can't score, so therefore they need to nail option B, which is to push Heat players around -- and began talking about how the referees are in cahoots with Miami, that LeBron James is a flopping flopper from the Planet Floptonia, and that the Miami Heat is just getting unfair treatment.

They chose poorly.

The result: an 88-65 ball clubbing and a 3-1 series lead for the Heat.

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Turns out the woman caught shooting an angry bird at the Bulls' Joakim Noah as he walked to the locker room is a Palm Beach socialite named Filomena Tobias.

And she has quite the cray story.

Along with being a socialite, she's also the widow of hedge-funder Seth Tobias -- her fourth husband -- who was found dead in his own pool in 2007.

Filomena's internet psychic accuses her of being Tobias' murderer. Seth Tobias, meanwhile, allegedly had an affair with a male stripper named Tiger. Also, she is neighbors with Michael Jordan.

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(Nate Robinson: actual size)

O HAI WORLD CHAMPION MIAMI HEAT BASKETBALL

After losing by seven to the Chicago Bulls and choking away Game 1 of the Eastern Conference semi-finals on Monday, the Heat decided to stuff all the Fucks they could find into giant garden-sized Glad bags, went into the American Airlines Arena for Game 2, and proceeded to Hiroshima Chicago's assholes by a score of 115-78.

The Heat massacred the Bulls by 37, evening the series while sending their two biggest dickholes to the showers early.

Let's dive into the super terrific good times!

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No sympathy needed. Erik Spoelstra is doing just fine.

Miami Heat head coach Erik Spoelstra did not win the 2013 NBA Coach of Year, coming in second in votes to Denver Nuggets coach George Karl.

And that's the way Spo wants it.

"I was probably more pleased this morning than George Karl," Spoelstra said when told Karl beat him for the award.

The reason for Spo's relief is simple.

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Well now. That was a bit rough.

A depleted Chicago Bulls came into the American Airlines Arena for Game 1 of the Eastern Conference Semifinals, saw fans clad in white, watched LeBron James receive his MVP trophy, and then went on to systematically bludgeon the world champs by having Joakim Noah swing Nate Robinson around like a medieval flail into Miami's face.

It was a gutsy performance by Chicago, and one worthy of respect and admiration.

But clearly the Heat didn't help by failing to do what it does: namely, bring the ass-wreckage.

Here's what went wrong and why today sucks butt:

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In the least shocking news in the history of forever, LeBron James is going to be named the 2013 NBA Most Valuable Player for the fourth time in his face-wrecking career.

Michael Jordan, Bill Russell, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, and Wilt Chamberlain are the only other players with at least four MVP awards.

This will be LeBron's second straight year being named MVP and his fourth in five seasons.

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People won't stop breaking into the homes of Miami Heat players to steal stuff. Udonis Haslem's Southwest Ranches home was broken into by would-be burglars, the Broward Sheriff's Office says.

See also:
- Chris Bosh Burglar Left Heat Championship Ring

This just days after someone broke into Chris Bosh' house and ganked $340,000 worth of jewels and watches.

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