More >>

​This week's New Times cover story, "Enemy of the State," details the dozen worst accomplishments from Gov. Rick Scott's first six months in office. Unsurprisingly, there were plenty of dirty deeds that didn't make the list. Here are a few of the highlights:

1. Following a property-tax-cutting proposal from Scott, the state Legislature sliced the budget of the South Florida Water Management District by 30 percent, or $128 million. Immediately, the agency charged with restoring the Everglades and coping with the region's terrible drought had to eliminate hundreds of jobs.

In June, 123 employees accepted buyouts, and at least 100 more are expected to be laid
More >>

​Osama bin Laden is dead, and America is rejoicing. The al Qaeda leader was shot down by Navy Seals in a mansion near the Pakistani capital of Islamabad late Sunday night. This came almost ten years to the day that the official manhunt began, and many are crediting President Barack Obama with the success.More >>

Photo by Ian Witlen

Yeah, it's fun here. Now leave!

​Maybe it's me, but spring break seems to be lasting an inordinately long time this year. Just when you think it's safe to walk around the block for a slice of pizza, you run smack into some spray-tanned co-ed in a wife beater, drinking green beer.

So for you, dear Juice readers, we've compiled an extremely unscientific list of places to avoid while the drunken hordes are still vacationing here. Feel free to add your own suggestions.

1) Hollywood North Beach Park. Getting a motor vehicle near the stretches of sand in this city is always tough, but last weekend the situation was comically bad. By noon onMore >>

Flickr user: DeusXFlorida

Dude, how can you be sad?

​Here's a depressing thought to kick off your week: Every year, a Gallup poll asks American adults about their quality of life, then sorts the results by geographic area. The queries include things like, "Did you experience feelings of happiness during a lot of the day yesterday?" and "Are you satisfied or dissatisfied with your job or the work you do?"

Yesterday, the New York Times published a national map of the 2010 survey results. And lo and behold, Florida's 17th Congressional District -- stretching from Hollywood south to North Miami -- took the prize for the "most people who felt sad a lot during the previous day."*

Damn. So that sinking feeling in our guts is actually statistically significant? How can
More >>

via www.someecards.com

Click to Enlarge

​Facebook now includes "Civil Union" and "Domestic Partnership" among its relationship status options. Since the genesis of the online "Relationship Status" in the early 2000s, the few and definite choices have fallen short of defining the ever-complex myriad of situations that could constitute a "relationship."

Yes, "It's complicated" has been a reliable catchall for any point on the scale ranging from hookup to marriage, but in this age of oversharing, "complicated" grossly shortchanges how much information can be conveyed in a succinct status.

Suggestions after the jump.

More >>

Flickr user: seantoyer

You'll be seeing a lot of this Sunday.

​I know it's not politically correct to say girls don't like football. Plenty of smart, sophisticated women -- some of my best friends! -- love to guzzle Yuengling and scream at Ben Roethlisberger on a Sunday afternoon.

But the Super Bowl isn't about football. The Super Bowl (it's this Sunday, ladies, in case you're confused) is about selling Miller Lite to the masses and box seats to politicians. It's about past-their-prime bands and wardrobe malfunctions. Mostly, it's about commercials.

The best part of the entire affair is the party, where you can stuff your face with Tostitos while flirting with that cute guy from accounting who ignores you at work. If that doesn'tMore >>

flickr.com

Could Vince Young be the QB of the future in Miami?

​A lot of things are up in the air for the Miami Dolphins this offseason. There are serious questions about the general manager, the head coach, the starting running backs, and, of course, the quarterback position.

For a little while, it looked like Chad Henne was the future of the franchise. Now, though, that future looks dark and incapable of completing even simple, short passes. Though the team has a stout defense and several dangerous weapons on offense, Henne sputtered and at times made the entire team look horrendous.

So we've put together a short list of five quarterbacking options the Dolphins might have going forward:
More >>

flickr.com

Could Vince Young be the QB of the future in Miami?

​A lot of things are up in the air for the Miami Dolphins this offseason. There are serious questions about the general manager, the head coach, the starting running backs, and, of course, the quarterback position.

For a little while, it looked like Chad Henne was the future of the franchise. Now, though, that future looks dark and incapable of completing even simple, short passes. Though the team has a stout defense and several dangerous weapons on offense, Henne sputtered and at times made the entire team look horrendous.

So we've put together a short list of five quarterbacking options the Dolphins might have going forward:
More >>

Flickr: sean dreilinger

​Yesterday at New Times we received a humorous incident report from the Broward Sheriff's Office media relations. More >>