Florida High Schoolers Sue School District, Sheriff's Office for Missing Prom

Categories: Crime, WTFlorida

via Facebook
Morgan Kleabir got to spend only five minutes at her high school prom -- not even long enough to take a selfie.
Prom is a time to create either precious memories or future therapy fodder, depending on what clique you run with. But for a group of Jensen Beach High School girls, the event was reason to craft a bizarre lawsuit and file it in federal court.

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New Prancercise® Video Is Out, and It's Amazing

Categories: WTFlorida

Illustration by Tim Gabor
Coral Springs' own Joanna Rohrback -- AKA the Prancercise® Lady -- is at it again. Her latest YouTube video features sweeping cinematography and is a wonderfully complex study on identity, relationships, and horses.

Or something like that.

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Plantation Man Hacks Neighbor's Pit Bull to Death With a Machete

Categories: Animal Planet
via WSVN
A Plantation man hacked his mobile home neighbor's pit bull to death with a machete from Walmart and claimed self-defense.

According to Plantation Police, the man, Hilton Henry, 77, says the dog was attacking his cats before turning on him.

The dog's owner says the dog didn't deserve to be killed this way.

See also: New Times Article Helps Free 46 Trapped Pit Bulls More »

Mother Jones Glamorizes the Broward Public Defender's Office

Categories: Broward News

Photo by OSTFlorida via Wikipedia Commons
You've known that public defender Howard Finkelstein is awesome since he began doing his "Help Me, Howard" segments on Channel 7 News. Now, the whole nation is about to have a collective crush on the five-foot-three, ponytailed lawyer, since Mother Jones has published a puff piece explaining how the department's hiring of ex-cops as investigators is "a bold experiment in public defense."

The story explains that Finkelstein saved money when senior lawyers in his department retired and he hired less experienced staffers for lower salaries. He then used the savings to bring on retired cops as investigators. These generally conservative cops spent their entire careers putting people in jail but are now heartwarmingly seeing the criminal justice system in a new light as they work for "the other side," helping indigent people accused of crimes.

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Shark Attacks Man Off Hallandale Beach in Waist-Deep Water

Categories: Animal Planet

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A 26-year-old man was swimming in the waters of Hallandale Beach in the 1900 block of Ocean Drive on Sunday afternoon when a shark decided he'd like to have a taste of the man's foot.

The man, whose name is not being released, was wading around in waist-deep water, according to Hallandale Beach city management spokesman Peter Dobens.

While it's unknown what kind of shark it was, according to the wound and the victim himself, it was most definitely a shark.

"The lifeguards couldn't determine what kind of shark it was," Dobens tells New Times. "But they definitely saw a shadow in the water."

See also: Shark Attacks Woman in Fort Lauderdale in the Intracoastal (NSFW Photos)

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Cops Bust Elaborate Pompano Prostitution Ring

Categories: Broward News

Photo by Heather via Flickr cc
Two Pompano men are being held in Broward County Jail after cops busted their massively elaborate prostitution business.

According to the Broward Assistant State Attorney, Douglas Juiffre, 58, and Joshua Rubenstein, 34, ran their all-cash business from a Pompano office space that doubled as a call center they dubbed AAAA Associates. The men put up ads on Craigslist and Backpage as well as Broward-Palm Beach New Times under the "adult entertainment" section, according to police.

AAAA Associates would take calls from the office space and set clients up with prostitutes. Clients would then be set up with limo rides to meet their escorts for sexual activities.

In all, Juiffre and Rubenstein would earn $150,000 to $200,000 a month.

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VIPwink, New Broward-Based App Company, Could Be Game-Changer for Twitter

Categories: Economy

U.S. Navy photo by Mass Communication Specialist 3rd Class Brian A. Stone via Wikimedia Commons
"Yo, Rihanna just WINKED a 30-second clip of her new video. Check it."
Democracy is a great idea, sure whatever, but more money can be made if you have a velvet rope to cordon off your plebes from your patricians.

Social media is about the last place we have equal footing in the world. But a new app cooked up by a team in Fort Lauderdale is seizing on man's inherent urge to divide the world into business class and coach -- and if it takes off, it could shake up your social media experience, offering pay-to-play exclusivity in what's until now been a free-market exchange of info.

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Anti-Medical Marijuana Group Insinuates Pot Cookies Will Be Used for Rape

Categories: Marijuana

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via Facebook
The anti-medical marijuana group called "No on 2" has made a lot of noise about the supposed dangers of legalizing medical weed in Florida.

Some of its claims include that weed leads to gay sex and AIDS, weed has more cancer-causing compounds than cigarettes, weed causes more accidents and ER visits, and weed dispensaries will be the new pill mills.

But the latest argument is a bizarre mix of ignorance and bewilderment, soaked in offense. It's weird enough to be from the The Onion .

No on 2's latest claim: that Amendment 2 will lead to people being able to sell pot cookies, which would be the new date-rape drug.

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Photos of a Baby With Confederate Flags and Guns Couldn't Persuade a Court to Prevent a Kidnapping

Categories: Longreads

The clock reads 20 to 6 as Robert Baumann wheels his Ford Escape north. The 26-year-old is beat-tired, his wide shoulders slumped like a bent clothes hanger from another day installing air conditioners in South Florida megamansions. His nerves, though, are on red-alert. Today, he's going to pick up his daughter, Lilly.

It's taken a full year of courtroom battles with his ex, Megan Everett, to hash out this arrangement, and even though a judge finally ruled that the beaming, curly-headed 2-year-old would split time with her parents, Baumann is anxious. Concerns constantly roll around the back of his head: Megan's YouTube-ranting, gun-toting new boyfriend; her sudden obsession with the Confederacy and antigovernment activism; and worst of all, the photos Baumann found on Facebook of his daughter playing in piles of bullets.

Just thinking about those images sets him stewing again. How could a judge see his kid surrounded by a heavy-duty arsenal yet still let Lilly stay part-time with her mom and her boyfriend? He shoves the thought aside.

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81-Year-Old Boca Man Pulls Gun on Teen During Road Rage Incident

Categories: WTFlorida

An 81-year-old man not only cut off an 18-year-old driver on a Boca Raton road but then proceeded to pull a gun on the kid as well.

Because, Florida.

According to Boca Police, the elderly man, Irving Feingold, pulled a .380 caliber pistol on an 18-year-old after cutting off the teen in his Cadillac and then getting into an argument with him.

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