One Man, Two Ridiculous Fake Profiles, and Three Online Dating Sites: Can You Get a Valentine's Date Online?

Categories: Holidays

Photo by Muramasa via Wikipedia Commons
It seems everything these days is in danger of being rendered useless by the internet. The mighty blue Blockbuster fell to Netflix. Bookstores were chewed up and spit out by Amazon. And now the U.S. Postal Service's only job is to make sure Chris Christie never runs out of Oreos.

It makes sense that dating would be next on the list. Talking to actual people makes mailing letters look like fun. Yet the world of online dating is still, at best, weird.

But is it really that bad? Surely every online encounter doesn't end with Chris Hansen and a camera crew. Is it possible to find love online? Or, at the very least, a Valentine's Day date?

I tried to find out.

See also: Top Ten Pickup Spots in Palm Beach County

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Your Annual Reminder to Not Fire a Gun Into the Air Tonight

Hi. Hello. How are you? Happy New Year.

Oh, and by the way, please do not fire a gun into the air at the stroke of midnight tonight.

It happens every year. We mean, every year.

So we're here with our annual reminder to not do that, because it's dumb.

Seriously, the old year ends, the new one begins, and people suddenly turn into Mexican bandits from an old Western and fire their pistolas into the air in celebration, not accounting for the fact that GRAVITY IS A THING and that the bullets do come back down.

And then innocent people die or get seriously injured.

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AAA Offers Free Towing for New Year's Eve

Categories: Holidays

Sam Howzit via Flickr creative commons
Well, that's really nice! AAA auto club, in partnership with Bud Light, is offering free tow truck services for drunk people tonight.

It's part of the "Tow to Go" program that they offer on alcohol-centric holidays like Cinco de Mayo and Super Bowl Sunday. They say it's gotten 22,000 drivers off the roads since 1998.

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Seven New Year's Resolutions for Florida

Photo by NASA via Wikipedia Commons
2014 is right around the corner, and with every new year comes the familiar ritual of broken promises known as "New Year's Resolutions." Sure, by January 3, we're usually back to eating chocolate and smoking cigarettes, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't try.

And if there's one state in this great nation that needs some help in 2014, it's Florida. So pay attention, because these are your New Year's resolutions.

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Florida Celebrities: What They Did for Christmas (Feat. Vanilla Ice, Donald Trump, Serena Williams and More)

Categories: Holidays

Thumbnail image for Donald Trump Birther Hands.jpg
Why, it was just a couple of years ago that we had to wait for the paparazzi's film to get developed, for magazines to be shipped off to the printer, and then wait for the mailman to bring our People magazine to find out that stars -- they're just like us on Christmas! Nowadays, this knowledge is instant. Thanks, Twitter and Instagram!

Here's what a few of our favorite South Florida characters were up to this holiday:

Donald Trump compared himself to Pope Francis:

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Florida Grinches Rob Kids' Christmas Presents

And now, for a special Floriderp: Holiday Edition story.

Three Grinches almost ruined Christmas for one family when they robbed gifts from under their tree.

Of course, they could have gotten away with it if they had just heeded simple traffic rules.

Like, obeying a stop sign or two or three, for instance.

Also, they crashed into a brick wall trying to flee police. So there's that.

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Satanic Temple Not Allowed to Put Holiday Display in Florida Capitol

Categories: Holidays, News

The Satanic Temple of Florida
The Satanic Temple of Florida is inexplicably getting the shaft from the state's Department of Management Services, keeping the group from putting up its holiday display in the Florida Capitol rotunda.

The DMS claims to be open to any group or person who sends in an application and follows its specific guidelines and restrictions so it could have its holiday display go up in the rotunda along with a Nativity scene.

Just last week, Deerfield Beach resident and self-proclaimed "militant atheist" Chaz Stevens made headlines when he placed a Festivus Pole made of beer cans in the rotunda. Another atheist group put up a Spaghetti Monster next to the Baby Jesus.

The Satanic Temple, based in Tallahassee, was all set to put up its display and had even received an email from the DMS giving it the go-ahead. Then, it received an email of rejection, calling the display "grossly offensive."

See also: "Festivus Pole" Made of Beer Cans Approved; Will Go Up in Florida Capitol Next to Jesus' Manger

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Tracy Morgan Is Co-Grand Marshal of Winterfest Boat Parade

Categories: Holidays

Tracy Morgan is now your co-grand marshal of the Seminole Hard Rock Winterfest Boat Parade in Fort Lauderdale.

What could possibly go wrong?

Actually, this is pretty fantastic news, seeing how he's replacing Tori Spelling.

Yes, the one from 90120. Yes, she's still alive.

See also: Tracy Morgan on Biggie Smalls Revolutionizing Rap: "He Made It a Champagne Campaign"

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Stephen Colbert Takes on Festivus Pole Erected in Florida Capitol

Categories: Holidays

Last week, we broke the big holiday news about Chaz Stevens putting up a Festivus pole next to a Nativity scene in the Florida Capitol. The event has swept the Internet and gotten ahold of the 24-hour news cycle.

But something isn't really a big deal until Stephen Colbert gives his take on it.

And on his show Wednesday night, Colbert featured the pole on his "Blitzkrieg on Grinchitude" segment.

See also: Atheist's Festivus Pole in Florida Capitol: It's Up! (PHOTO)

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Atheist's Festivus Pole in Florida Capitol: It's Up! (PHOTO)

Categories: Holidays

Chaz Stevens
"The erection was today," Chaz Stevens announced via phone.

The Deerfield Beach activist and "militant atheist" made it up to Tallahassee to install his Festivus pole in the rotunda of the state Capitol at 9 a.m. today.

His antics are to make a point about the separation of church and state. Stevens was inspired after Christian groups were permitted to install a manger and wise men in the rotunda. Since his effort made headlines, the state has received more applications from groups wanting to display "holiday" signs -- two from atheist groups and one from the Satanic Temple.

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