House speaker, anti-weed guy, half-man/half-orange Republican John Boehner is about to become the father-in-law of a Rastafarian. Awwwww yeah, mon.

Boehner's eldest daughter, Lindsey, 35, is set to marry 38-year-old Jamaican-born Rastafarian Dominic Lakhan at a ceremony scheduled for May 10 in Delray.

Eh mista Bey-ner. Why you so arinj?

GREAT HORNY TOADS! KEEP YER HANDS OFF MAH GUNZ!

Ah, Florida Legislature.

No, Gays, you can't do that. No, Women, you can't do that. No, Poors, you can't have that.

BUT TAKIN' MAH GUNZ IS A VIOLATION OF MAH RIGHTS!!

And so it goes. 

When news broke that the gun control bill hit the proverbial brick wall and died Wednesday afternoon, your elected officials reacted like Yosemite Sam at a hoedown.

Florida Gov. Rick Scott and Texas Gov. Rick Perry brought their zany comedy-duo routine to the Palm Beach Strategic Forum at the Palm Beach County Convention Center on Monday when they both took the stage at the same time. It was like Lex Luthor and Montogmery Burns together in one room!

The Ricks spoke to roughly 400 or so people at a luncheon where they talked up GOPer things like cutting taxes and stuff for an international business gathering.

What a hoot!

In case you haven't heard, rapper/mogul/Brooklyn Nets owner Jay-Z and his wife, Beyoncé (the girl who sang at the Super Bowl, Grandma), decided that it was 1950 and went and took a vacation in Cuba last week.

And now Florida Republican Reps. Mario Diaz-Balart Ileana Ros-Lehtinen want to know what's up with that.

"The next wave of threats against America after Sharia? EL CHUPACABRA!!"

Republican state senator in Florida Alan Hays is a hero!

Hays, who once filed legislation to keep public buses from stopping on streets because one time he got stuck in traffic behind one, says Islam is gonna Sharia Law all up the State of Florida like polio.

And if Sharia Law is the polio, Alan Hays is the cure.

The former chairman of the Republican Party of Florida, Jim Greer, was sentenced Wednesday to 18 months in prison, plus a year's probation for stealing from the Republican Party.

See also:
- Jim Greer: Racism and Dead Bodies Ahead
- Jim Greer Lied to Everyone: to Us, to You, to Himself. And Then, Charlie Crist Won

Greer was swaddled with allegations of spending party money on hookers at a lavish GOP fundraiser in the Bahamas, going big on fancy restaurants and luxury hotels, and funneling a reported $200,000 of GOPer cheddar to a company he controlled.

Tom Truex was chosen to lead the GOP into a brighter future by not changing anything they do whatsoever.

After a short-lived term as Broward Republican chairman came to a close for Rico Petrocelli because he didn't get along with people, or some such thing, the Broward GOP had a chance to really come out swinging, especially after getting slammed in the November elections, and choose a new leader who doesn't embrace the hard-line social conservative standards that have made them so lovable to the rest of the country.

Then they went and chose a dude with hard-line social conservative standards that have made them so lovable to the rest of the country.

And so, Tom Truex is your new Broward GOP huckleberry.

Last week Marco Rubio spoke at the GOPers Paradise To Complain About The Black Fella, Them Freeloadin' Poor People, And Don't Touch My AK-47-Palooza (or CPAC, for short) where he basically told everyone that denying gay people simple civil rights doesn't at all make him a bigot, and that global warming is just an illooooosion.

On Friday, however, the Repubz got themselves a whole different kind of message from a whole different kind of possible contender for the 2016 run at the White House.

Jeb Bush delivered a speech about inclusion, acceptance, and took a jab at Mitt Romney's "47 percent" comments.

GOPers are still trying to figure out if Jeb is just kidding or if he pulled off the biggest trolling in the history of CPAC.

On Monday afternoon, a Senate select committee rejected moving forward with an expansion of the Medicaid program under the federal Affordable Care Act, even after Gov. Rick Scott expressed a desire to see it expanded and even though state hospitals and businesses wanted to see it expanded and even though the majority of Floridians want to see it expanded.

So it looks like the solution to get affordable health care for Florida's poor is for them not to ever get sick.

Voter fraud in Florida? OH DO TELL.

Two ex-employees of Strategic Allied Consulting, which the GOPers hired to register voters prior to the November elections, were charged with a third-degree felony after they admitted they forged voter-registration forms, according to the Florida Department of Law Enforcement.

And while the GOPers themselves fired the SAC and then called for an investigation, the two ex-employees claim they were told not to register Democrats.