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Why the celebrity attorney, Natalie? "I love to play piano." ...We see.

A few days ago, Jill Kelley's sister -- the one Charlie Crist most positively never ever dated -- retained celebrity attorney Gloria Allred for reasons unknown.

So, we decided to ask. Why did Natalie Khawam enlist someone so high-profile? Allred has represented Nicole Simpson's family against OJ, a Chicago woman alleging Herman Cain had fondled her, and another gal saying Arnold Schwarzenegger had sexually harassed her. Why did Khawam, who from all accounts played a minor role in the unfolding Washington scandal that's ensnared Gen. David Petraeus and Gen. John Allen, turn to Allred?

So we shot off an email to Allred, asking just that: "Is this related to what's happened with her sister and Governor Petraeus, or have you been retained to work on her divorce?"

In response, Khawam, a Tampa Bay socialite, wrote us a statement, affirming that she does, in fact, love math. And the strangeness unfurled from there.

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I did not have sexual relations with that woman.

TAMPA BAY -- The unfolding Washington scandal that has already cost Gen. David Petreaus his job and may well do the same to General John Allen, just enveloped our former governor Charlie Crist.

The Daily Telegraph of London has recently reported that Crist dated the identical twin sister of Jill Kelley because, in this most screwed-up of tales, why not throw one more high-level figure into the mix?

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FLPD/Sun-Sentinel

Late on Tuesday night, a boat belonging to Guma Aguiar washed up on Fort Lauderdale beach, engines running, the cell phone and wallet of the Floridian Jewish multimillionaire reportedly still onboard. Since then, people have speculated: Was it a dead-of-night escape plot to keep his mother from declaring him mentally incompetent, as she'd tried to do in the past, or his uncle from getting the money he made on a Texas oilfield? Was it a hit by the Israeli Mafia? A simple drowning? At this point, nobody knows -- but the first stories brought up his erratic past of clashes with police, high-roller braggadocio, and stints in a mental institution for bipolar disorder just after he claimed, in a 2010 interview, to have personally given sanctuary at his home to captured Israeli soldier Gilad Shalit.

Much of this is detailed in a January 2010 profile of Aguiar, "Prodigal Son," in Tablet. It was published a day after Aguiar was committed to a mental facility in Tel Aviv, but the main story involved the strict process of converting people to Judaism.

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Broadway. The photo looked like this when we got it; either it's a squished photo or the accused robber was born in the wrong aspect ratio.

​Marvin Broadway had a team, according to police, and attempted to rob a man behind the Gold Buyers store on the 5100 block of North Federal Highway. Unless the idea was to get arrested not wearing any clothes, the robbery did not go according to plan.More »

Florida Division of Pari-Mutuel Wagering

Busted! Sandro Alonzo (right) in happier times.

​If Uncle Earl has been coming around and causing trouble recently, it might be because he was kicked out of the casino for card counting, stealing, or other stupid behavior. Wouldn't it be great to see a list of everyone who was excluded from the state's casinos in recent years?More »

Jeff Greene: mean.

​If you remember billionaire Jeff Greene, it's probably from the ridiculous stories of drug-fueled excess on his party boat -- a first-person account from one of his former stewardesses includes the phrases "Red Bull," "Mike Tyson" and "oral sex" in the same sentence -- but he's back in the spotlight, this time not as a candidate for public office but as a not-so-great owner of a formerly superhyped resort.

To see photos from aboard the Greene's yacht, click here. Note: They're not safe for work.
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​It's $9.99 on Amazon; you can get it on your Kindle in seconds. What better way to read a self-published book about alleged corruption in the Broward Sheriff's Office, including manipulation by everybody's favorite Ponzi schemer Scott Rothstein?

A new anonymous e-book being hawked on the web retailer, and available in print from Lulu.com, is called Inside the Broward County Sheriff's Office. Chapters include "The Rise to Power of [Sheriff] Al Lamberti," "How Close Was Rothstein to Lamberti," and other promising topics. It also includes a few sections on Fort Lauderdale Police Chief Frank Adderley, who has been extensively linked with Rothstein.

The response from inside law enforcement? Mixed, with some calling it old news.More »

​This year's list of our Dirty Dozen covers a gamut of South Florida marauders, bent on making your life miserable -- or at least more mediocre -- in pursuit of personal gain. Rick Scott and Allen West are old standbys, but we have several newcomers to the list: Pain bros Jeff and Chris George, teachers' union president Pat Santeramo, the organizers of the doomed Langerado Music Festival, and more.More »

via the Emily's List Flickr

Lois Frankel

​It looks like there's something a bit more ridiculous to Lois Frankel's claim that Rep. Allen West hates women unless he gives $1,000 to the Florida Coalition Against Domestic Violence to prove he doesn't.

Peter Schorsch -- who runs the politicking website Saint Petersblog -- noticed that Frankel, the former mayor of West Palm Beach, has been getting quite a few checks in the mail for her congressional campaign to unseat West from a man who apparently isn't too nice toward women either.

Dan Catalfumo, who owns Catalfumo Construction and has given $5,000 to Frankel's campaign committee this election cycle, was acquitted of an aggravated battery charge in 2005 in which he was accused of beating his former fiancée. The battery accusations against Catalfumo, however, surfaced from multiple women throughout the trial.

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Sen. Marco Rubio

​Here's a tip: If you're digging up dirt on a politician, try to find something a little filthier than Sen. Marco Rubio's brother-in-law being convicted of drug-trafficking charges when the senator was a 16-year-old kid.

This news, coming from Univision, ranks among Mike Huckabee's kid killing a dog at Boy Scout camp or the cocaine use of our nation's presidents as things that just don't pertain to anything relevant.

Here's the story on Rubio's brother-in-law anyway:

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