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Um, we'll pass. Thanks. We have WORK to do.

Last night, as your father finally wrenched himself free from the turkey carcass, no one could believe it. No, they gasped. The day after Thanksgiving? You have to work?

Yes, you replied. And now, here you are: working.

How the empty office cubicles do mock you. Everyone -- especially your boss -- are deep in some Black Friday scrum, or the back of the fridge, mulling a turkey sandwich. Everyone, that is, except you.

The office chump.

How could this have happened to you? The day after Thanksgiving is supposed to be one of those gimmes -- an extra-point conversion, extra crackers at the salad bar -- so why are you here? There are several explanations, like (a) no one likes you, (b) God doesn't like you, and (c) you're very new at your job and thereby have zero street cred among the office-place powers.

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​Last week's New Times cover story explored the lives of Muslims living in South Florida. Here's a behind-the-scenes look at how we got the story:

The hardest part was picking an outfit. Living in South Florida, I rarely have the need for a turtleneck. But as a female reporter visiting a mosque, I wanted to be respectful. So I dug out my one and only blouse with a high collar, buttoned a cardigan over that, and made sure my slacks reached my ankles.

I pulled up to the Masjid Jamaat Al-Mu'mineen mosque in Margate tugging a black scarf over my head. The silky piece of fabric was not designed for modesty, and it kept slipping off.

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​Will "Da Real One" Bell Jr. was a slam-poet of great power, as well as an entrepreneur. He died over the weekend after unknown assailants shot him in a drive-by outside of his small establishment on 125th street, the Literary Cafe and Poetry Lounge. Police have an extremely vague description of the vehicle involved (it was either light or dark, and likely has a rear spoiler) and seemingly no leads.

Bell will be much missed. This writer knows of one homeless teenager to whom the poet was a great help and inspiration, as well as a generous friend. From what I hear, the girl's experience was not circumscribed. Bell sounds like a cool guy.

He doesn't sound cool in his poems, though. He sounds hot. His flow was full of dark fire and wounded, righteous anger, which landed him a gig on HBO's Def Jam Poetry. His words went further than anything else I know toward giving SoFla an authentic lyrical voice.

The newspapers now reporting Bell's death are largely family affairs and so cannot direct readers toward any of Bell's online work. New Times isn't afraid of four-letter words, so you can hear what Bell sounded like after the jump. (Not safe for work, natch.)

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An example of public art at the Broward County Jail on the New River. It's a 32-foot high coral circle (or rice cake, as some call it). Cost to taxpayers: $480,000.

​
So the Broward County Commission is going to discuss putting $610,000 worth of public art in the new courthouse that is being built against taxpayers' wishes.

You might think the Pulp, hard as it is on public officials and waste of taxpayers' money, might be averse to the expense on principle. Not so. As my former colleague Edmund Newton once wrote, "Public art is part of the glue that binds the community... sometimes it can deliver a jolt of cultural clarity."

South Florida needs more of it. Broward County requires that 2 percent of the cost of new public facilities go toward public art. Again, a well-founded policy.

The problem is that, as indicated by the photo above, too often the art commissioned is... both expensive and awful. Here again is Newton, who went on a public art odyssey in South Florida a few years ago:

"Taxes, though. There's the rub. We're paying for this glop. Big time. Millions of dollars of public money have gone into adorning our public buildings and parks with works that seem to have been produced by artists channeling the guy who invented the cinder block. There are cylindrical stairwells on the corners of the parking garage at Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport ($1.2 million), and the brand-new stone block assemblage in front of the Palm Beach County Courthouse ($350,000) is actually a security barrier to keep cars off the pavement. The Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood airport alone houses more than $3 million of so-called art..."

So it's the same story. Good ideas ruined by the government. Does that mean we give up? Hell no. And it's not always bad or ugly; sometimes it's actually good. Inside, some of the best and worst examples of public art I could find.

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Right-wing radio talker Joyce Kaufman -- whose July 4 call for "bullets" in favor of ballots has been linked to yesterday's threat that led to the countywide lockdown on all Broward County schools -- is on the air now and promising a statement of explanation.

Kaufman and West again.

​She led off her explanation by announcing that she wouldn't be taking the chief of staff job for Congressman-Elect Allen West after all. "Last night, I called Congressman Allen West and told him I could not accept his" job offer, she said, adding later, "I will not be used in an electronic lynching by proxy."  

UPDATED: Allen West came on the show at 2:10 p.m.

"You will continue to fight on your battlefield and your voice there," West told Kaufman, "and I'll continue to fight on the battlefield in Washington, and we'll meet in the middle after the enemy is soundly defeated." 

Kaufman kept the racism theme alive throughout her show, comparing the criticism of West to that of Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas during the Anita Hill controversy.

West, a Republican who like Kaufman is deeply tied to the Tea Party, announced that he had hired Kaufman as his chief of staff. That same evening, a video of Kaufman's incendiary words at a July 4 Tea Party rally in Fort Lauderdale were aired on the Rachel Maddow show on MSNBC in which Kaufman said angrily to the crowd, "And if ballots don't work, bullets will."

Yesterday morning, a threat was emailed to Kaufman's radio station that police have confirmed was sent to Kaufman. That led to a lockdown at all the schools in Broward County. The case is still under investigation, and a person of interest has reportedly been identified by law enforcement.

UPDATED: Kaufman just addressed the threat that led to the lockdown, saying that she didn't incite anyone to violence. She said it was committed by a critic of hers from outside the area. "It was a fake; all of this was a setup," she said. "These people are disgusting."

Kaufman had been silent on the entire matter up until her show began at noon. Before she announced that she had declined that the West position, she voiced contrition on

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Charlie Crist Facebook

Wild Art: Democratic state Rep. Ari Porth pays homage to Charlie Crist at a campaign stop in Century Village/Pembroke Pines a couple of weeks ago.

Not by a long shot.

Capri

​Let's get the weekend started right with a little political parody from Reason Magazine.

But first, the Miami Herald rather hilariously linked the porn (NSFW) site for Capri Anderson, who was Charlie Sheen's escort for his latest drunken coke-fueled fiasco. (NSFW=Not Safe For Work). To rehash: Sheen, the highest paid man on TV ($1.25 million per Two and Half Men episode), totally lost it when he lost his $150,000 watch and believed Capri had filched it. The watch is still missing and Capri has taken the notoriety to the bank. 

And I don't know, but this whole U.S. Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell "one night stand" story in Gawker may be the crappiest piece of journalism ever done. It's bringing in the hits by the truckload, though. One problem: It wasn't even a one-night stand. False advertising. The fatal flaw: It's based on the idea that O'Donnell is a hypocrite but proves the opposite. It manages to insult O'Donnell while also showing that she is true to her "born-again virgin" principles.  

Inside see the television ads based on actual statements made by polical opponents of Thomas Jefferson and John Adams that make today's ads seem tame by comparison (and there was no internet back then either, kidzzz).  

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Rothstein, with his vodka martini, and, from left, Adler, Lippman, and Smith at his Versace mansion wedding.

​This is a good shot of some of the alleged co-conspirators in the Scott Rothstein fiasco. Russ Adler and Steve Lippman were knee-deep in the mess. Grant Smith, who stands next to Rothstein, seems to have kept his hands relatively clean, however. Unlike Adler and Lippman, Smith was one of the RRA attorneys cleared by Florida Bar.

Segreto, Hunt (photo from Miami Premiere Guide)

​ Not pictured, regrettably, is David Boden, the alleged right-hand man who is reported to have drafted some of the bogus documents involved in the actual Ponzi scheme. More on him after the jump.

First I just stumbled across the Broward Heart Ball 2010, which was held back in April at the Westin Beach Resort in Fort Lauderdale. Remember that the Heart Ball was Rothstein's baby, where he played grand poobah before his would-be escape to Morocco last year.

Who was the signature sponsor and cochairman of the event? None other than former Rothstein buddy Ovi Levy (along with Daniel Mink) of Renato Watches. Click here to see him pictured prominently with Mink in the Miami Premiere Guide's coverage of the event. Also photographed: Rothstein's former enabler, Ted Morse, and his son Teddy.

Photographed as well was former  WTVJ-NBC 6 anchor Tony Segreto with the Heart Association's Maria Hunt, who had an interesting mention in the infamous comment on this blog from "Goodfella" (Scott Rothstein himself). Auctioned off were three gold bracelets donated by, you guessed it, Levinson Jewelers (who I hear is not in the clear regarding the Rothstein bankruptcy trustee).

It's as if nothing happened at all. It's the same old gang, minus one flamboyantly dressed, spiky-haired criminal and his beautiful blond wife. Check out the scene here (including a relatively fresh photo of the Morses).

There is another big Heart Ball sponsor this year that catches the eye: Great HealthWorks of South Florida, a firm in Hollywood that sells dietary supplement pills. That's where Boden comes in, believe it or not. To read about that gig (in which Segreto weirdly has a cameo), look inside.

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Linda Ferrara, a former Cooper City commissioner and longtime School Board appointee and volunteer, was among what is really turning into a rogue's gallery of attendees for the party on the Intracoastal thrown by the FBI in December.

Drinking At The Public Trough

​Funny thing is that Ferrara knows all about partying at the expense of taxpayers -- she was one of the Cooper City commissioners caught on tape by CBS-Channel 4 eating and drinking at a neighborhood restaurant on the public's dime before commission meetings (that's Cooper City Mayor Debbie Eisinger getting ready to swill at left). That report broke in 2006, and Ferrara was turned out of office soon thereafter by disgusted voters.

But even after that disgrace, she kept volunteering at the School Board, serving on a variety of committees, including the now-notorious Qualification Selection Committee (QSEC) that her good friend Beverly Gallagher supposedly rigged for bribe money from undercover agents. It was Gallagher, of course, who invited her good friend Ferrara onto the boat, which she didn't know at the time was owned, operated, and well-bugged by the feds.

I contacted Ferrara at Planet Fitness in Sunrise where she works. As instructed by the receptionist, I left a detailed message for her (just the basics -- "FBI boat, QSEC, Bev Gallagher"). Will update if she calls back.

Gallagher told agents that she'd fixed the vote for the $70 million Hollywood Hills High School renovation for Pirtle Construction. The company did, indeed, win the committee's recommendation. But here's an interesting twist: Her good friend and yachting partner, Ferrara, didn't vote Pirtle in the top spot. Instead she gave the company a close second to Weitz Co., another school contractor.  

Now what on Earth might have caused her to do that? Hmmm?  

Does Anna Nicole Smith corrupt everything she touches, even in death, or is she just a magnet for sleaze?

Everybody who crossed paths with the late pin-up and reality TV star seems to want to make a buck on her celebrity. Personal attorney Howard K. Stern is looking for a cut of the Marshall fortune, probable baby-daddy Larry Birkhead cashed in on her photos, mother Virgie Arthur is selling out to the tabloids, and Broward Circuit Judge Larry Seidlin was apparently auditioning for his own TV show last week during the burial hearings.

But what about Dr. Joshua Perper (or "Dr. Pepper," as Judge Larry misnomered him during the hearings)? Is the esteemed Broward County Medical Examiner whose candor and willingness to answer questions endeared him to the nation during the ANS soap opera trying to cash in on the case, too?

Last week, while Anna Nicole's corpse cooled in a refrigerator in his office, the Boca Press released Perper's new book, "When To Call The Doctor ...". Here's how the press release starts out:

"Dr. Joshua Perper, expert Broward County Medical Examiner, performed the autopsy on Anna Nicole Smith. Dr. Perper is available for interviews about the autopsy he performed on the body of Anna Nicole Smith and his new book, "When To Call The Doctor..."

It concludes: "Due to the recent sudden deaths of Anna Nicole Smith and her late son, the timeliness of this book makes it an invaluable resource for everyone."

So it certainly appears the good doctor is angling for Anna to give him a bump in book sales. But when the Pulp questioned him about it today, he immediately denied that was the case...

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Johnny Depp came to town a couple weeks ago (January 28) and played with his old band, The Kids, at Club Cinema in Pompano Beach. So quiet it was like a secret (Sentinel reported he probably wouldn't make it, DeFede had it that he would be here the preceding Friday). Here's some more photos of the event, which occurred at a venue that has an unsavory founding. While getting this together, stumbled across this old clip on YouTube of Depp in a highly cheesy 80s music video. Who would have thought the tongue-wagging goof would become one of the best actors going in filmdom?