Eight Types of Miami Dolphins Fans

dolphins-fans.jpg
April McKay
The Miami Dolphins are well into the preseason, facing off against the Buccaneers in Tampa on Saturday night. And that means football season is in full swing.

And while kickoff is still a couple of weeks off, people are either excited, not excited, or just don't give a crap that the Dolphins are about to begin the first season of the post-Jeff Ireland era and the second season under Joe Philbin.

So while there have been some changes here (new GM, new offensive coordinator) and there (no more Richie Incognito or Jonathan Martin), one constant remains true: Dolphins fans are an eclectic bunch made of wacky characters, fanatics, and the aforementioned people who don't give a crap.

It's unlike any other NFL fan base, really. So, it must be broken down into categories.

Here now are the eight types of Miami Dolphins fans. Play along and see which you might fall under. Winning prize: a 7-9 season and an offensive lineman taken in the first round of next year's draft!

optomist-fan.jpg
April McKay

8. The Eternal Optimist Dolphins Fan
This is the guy who, although realistic to the fact that the Dolphins have made no appreciable or significant improvement to the roster, still comes into the season thinking THIS is the year.

Our head coach is a lanky doofus? Sure, but he once worked with Aaron Rodgers. SO THAT'S SOMETHING.

Our number-one wide receiver can't catch? Yes, but he's superfast!

Our schedule is tough. Yeah, but the New England Patriots are older, even though they're showing no signs of slowing down and still have one of the best quarterbacks in the game. I mean, Tom Brady is 37 this year. THAT'S A WINDOW OF OPPORTUNITY!


zombie-fan-morgan-coleman.jpg
Morgan Coleman

7. The Zombie Dolphins Fan
The Zombie Dolphins fan will take none of your criticizing or realistic-outlook shit. Zombie Dolphins fan BLEEDS AQUA AND ORANGE, BRO. Every player on this team is the best player in the NFL. Ryan Tannehill is the next Dan Marino, even though Zombie Fan said that about Matt Moore, Cleo Lemon, Chad Henne, John Beck, Daunte Culpepper, and Joey Harrington. Zombie Fan thinks finishing 7-9 every season is amazing and to criticize the team is WEAKNESS. Jeff Ireland is the greatest GM in the world, until he was fired and now the new guy is. What? You don't know the new guy's name? AND YOU CALL YOURSELF A FAN, YOU SON OF A BITCH?

Zombie Fan REFUSES to criticize any player currently in a Dolphins uniform. And ANYONE who says a single disparaging word about this team is NOTHING but a sack of human shit. Because Zombie Fan knows the Dolphins are Super Bowl-bound every year. And fuck you if you don't agree!


drunk-fins.jpg
April McKay

6. The Jaded Dolphins Fan
Probably the most realistic of Dolphins fans, the Jaded Fan has abandoned all hope of ever seeing the Dolphins get anywhere near a Super Bowl ever again.

Jaded Fan drinks a lot.

7-9 echoes in Jaded Fan's mind like a brain virus, wrapping itself around the cerebral cortex and embedding its claws into the spine. From this point on, no matter what, Jaded Fan KNOWS the Dolphins will find a way to fuck things up. Start the season 4-0? HERE COMES THE SEVEN-GAME LOSING STREAK! We drafted a quarterback? He's going to suck. We have the eighth pick in the draft? HERE COMES ANOTHER LINEMAN!

Jaded Fan is the ultimate nemesis of Zombie Fan, and you'll regularly find them fighting on social media.

Jaded Fan refuses to join in on your excitement of the new season. And he won't believe Tannehill is a great QB until he is. And even then, the doubts will be ever present.

Jaded Fan hates Stephen Ross and wishes he would be beaten with a pillow case filled with soap in his sleep.

bandits.png
via Facebook

5. The... These Guys

local-fin.jpg
April McKay

4. The Local Dolphins Fan
Local Fan is loyal, roots for his team, and always will. But he's also been distracted by the Miami Heat the past four years. Local Fan loves the feeling of being a champion that has come from rooting for the other local teams the past 20 years. The Heat has won three titles and been in several Finals, while the Marlins have won two World Series during Local Fan's lifetime.

All this winning has made the Dolphins almost obsolete in Local Fan's heart, though he still watches them on Sundays and roots for them to get better.

Out-of-Town Dolphins Fan hates Local Dolphins Fan.


My Voice Nation Help
8 comments
markie19
markie19 topcommenter



READ SEE THE FRIEND IN THIS VIDEO CLIP THAT HAS BEEN GOING ON MOST PEOPLE HAVE BETRAYED ME CAREFUL IT COULD BE YOUR SPOUSE AND YOU COULD NEVER KNOW OR YOUR BEST FRIEND OR YOUR DOCTOR -MINE I THINK WAS GOING TO LET THEM KILL ME-HE IS INVOLVED DR BEACH READ MARKIE MC NIGHT I NEED DR PHIL DR BEACH HAD A CON MAN IN HIS OFFICE THAT DATED PEGGY AND WAS ON DR PHIL-MY MEDICAL RECORDS WERE STOLEN TOO-WATCH YOURS READ MARKIE MC NIGHT
Edit (in 6 minutes)

DeleteShare
DeleteShareLikeReplymarkie19Jul 20, 2014

est | Top Comments

markie1918 hours ago


Kerry Goad6 minutes ago via YouTubeOnly Me
  • READ THEME MY LIFE MARKERRY SOLL GOAD -MARKIE MC NIGHT SISTER TO DARROW K SOLL KILLED NO SUICIDE -I AM A MEDIUM PROPHET DANGEROUS HERE CAN NOT CALL PEOPLE THEY HAVE TRIED TO DRUG AND KILL ME MANY TIMES I CALL POLICE AND THEY WILL AGAIN CHILD STOLEN BY CPS HUGE RING THEY SELL CHILDREN SEX AND MORE -I GREW UP IN IT-FAMILY-GOVERNOR AND SHERIFF DIRTY CAREFUL VERY -MANY COPS DEAD I GET THEM SEAN DRENTH AND LARRY DEVER -MYRON CHISEM-A FEW DIED I THINK BECAUSE OF ME -READ MARKIE MC NIGHT WATCH SKULLS MOST LAYERS IN THIS TOWN ROGER MORRIS-ED NOVAK MOST PUBLIC DEFENDERS CPS-NEED NON DIRTY FBI JOHN SANDWEG FUCKED ME AND HIS DAD IS IN THE FBI READ MARKERRY SOLL CHILD KENNEDY KORY I NEED HER ASAP-SHE IS LIKE ME THEY WANT HER DOWN NAMED AFTER DARROW READPelican Brief Trailerwww.youtube.comFirst-rate legal thriller based on John Grisham's #1 bestseller. http://www.johngrishamonline.com
LikeLike · · Subscribe on YouTube · SharePelican Brief TrailerPelican Brief TrailerPelican Brief TrailerPelican Brief TrailerEdit (in 3 minutes)Pelican Brief TrailerEdit (in 6 minutes)Pelican Brief TrailerEdit (in 3 minutes)Pelican Brief TrailerPelican Brief TrailerPelican Brief TrailerPelican Brief Trailer

Johnnyfin Boyd
Johnnyfin Boyd

None of that is true. You're either all 8... or you're me. A tru fan.

Barbie Bazos
Barbie Bazos

You forget the "Confused" Dolphin fans who don't know if they're a Jets fan or a Dolphin fan. Seen plenty of those at games.

Mary McNamara
Mary McNamara

We're #1's that turned into #8's, and think the description of #6 - jaded fan, was funny as hell and describes many of our friends :-D

Now Trending

Miami Concert Tickets

From the Vault

 

Loading...