The Ten Distinct States That Make Up Florida

Categories: WTFlorida

florida_disunited_map.jpg
Illustration by Kevin Cannon
Click the image for larger version of the map.
Florida has a reputation as America's weirdest state, but there's hardly any national appreciation for the fact that Florida has several culturally distinct regions of weirdness to choose from.

In fact, sometimes it seems weird that Florida is considered one state at all. It's high time someone drew a realistic map of the individual states that make up this bizarre peninsula. So we employed a team of cartographers, geographers, statisticians, and freelance whiskey distillers to draft one, and here's what they've come up with:

Illustration by Kevin Cannon
Jimmy Buffettstan (Monroe, southern Collier [Everglades City and Goodland], South Miami-Dade [Florida City and Homestead])
It only makes sense that a bunch of America's oddest characters would funnel down to the southernmost point of the continental United States. Where do all of these people originally come from? That's a long story we shouldn't get into, but all that matters to them now is fishing, beer, and the unparalleled musical stylings of Jimmy Buffett.

Illustration by Kevin Cannon
The Semisovereign City-State of Miami (Miami-Dade)
The great thing about Miami is how close it is to the United States. The worst thing about Miami is how close it is to Florida. It's the capital of Latin America, home to cocaine cowboys, and a place where LeBron is king and Gloria Estefan is always relevant.

Illustration by Kevin Cannon
Florida Concentrate (Hillsborough, Pinellas, Pasco, Polk, Sumter, Lake, Orange, Osceola, Seminole)
The swing state within the swing state, otherwise known as the I-4 Corridor or Tamplando, this region is like all the other parts of Florida placed into a blender and spat out in the center of the state. There's a bit of Southern charm, some odd foreigners, a lot of strip malls, and sprawling planned communities. The theme parks are just to distract you from the fact there's not anything else distinct about the place.



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