Ten Fort Lauderdale Life Hacks

Categories: The Lists

Photo by Dana Krangel
8. Don't ride a bike.
It's Sunday. It's beautiful out. Your girlfriend has been begging you to dust off those beach cruisers and take a romantic A1A ride for weeks. I know it's tempting.

But flash-forward a few hours.

Now your Instagram-worthy afternoon has taken a turn for the worse and you're pinned underneath a Nissan Maxima whose driver can't even spell "bike lane." There ain't no filter that'll make that compound fracture look sexy.

Riding a bike in Fort Lauderdale is just not a good idea. Even when you're surrounded by hundreds of other bikers like a bunch of scared mullet, you're still not safe. You could be biking inside a titanium sphere with a bubble wrap interior and that minivan behind you is still going to find a way to put you in the hospital.

Need more proof? Here. And here. And here you go.

Photo by Elvert Barnes via Flickr cc
7. Choose your Chipotle wisely.
There are four Chipotles in Fort Lauderdale. At three of these, you'll find the norm: friendly, meat-scooping folk, eager to assist you in your efforts to gnaw on some high-quality Mexican cuisine.

However, at one of these, you will find a different situation. There are no smiles, only scowls. Soulless eyes peer out from beneath puffy hats, mumbling in your direction.

You ask for rice, you get three grains. You ask for chicken, you get steak and an indignant glare when you point out their mistake.

There are no burritos made at this location, only shattered dreams and torment rolled into an improperly pressed tortilla.

Don't go to the Chipotle at 4850 N. Federal Highway, just south of Commercial Boulevard. Stay far, far away.

6. Victoria Park's stop signs are simply suggestions.
In Victoria Park, there's a stop sign every dozen feet, but you'd never know it. Because they get ignored like suggested serving sizes.

While Victoria Park can be a great little shortcut to get around Sunrise Boulevard and Federal Highway, drive with caution. Or you'll end up squished.

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Ronaldo Bahamon
Ronaldo Bahamon

I'm actually two months away from starting production on my next documentary that is based around the city of Fort Lauderdale and economic growth through tourism.


I go to that Chipolte quite often and I have never, ever, had a problem there.

Most of these "hacks" are BS.  Parking in Ft Lauderdale on any given Friday night is no chore, Sunrise Blvd is no worse than most other east/west roads on a weekend, and A1A bicyclists are often more aggressive than any minivan.


Who the hell gets upcharged for parking downtown in a lot?  And Fernanda's beats Laspada's subs any day of the week.  


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I endorse every single one of these hacks, though I try to avoid eating subs.


It's actually much, much nicer now than in the 90's but everyone has different heydays...


Thank God I left Fort Lauderdale at the end of the good times, mid-1990s.

wonderful place to grow up, but you couldn't pay me to live there now. Good luck to you

Rosita Vee
Rosita Vee

Whoever wrote this must be a total lightweight. You gotta be scared of your own shadow to think Ft Lauderdale's a tough place to live.

Marion Young
Marion Young

I'm pretty sure most employees at fast food restaurants are just as rude as the ones at that particular Chipotle. Why single that one location out?

Justin Figueroa
Justin Figueroa

They forgot the one about not getting on 595, during or right after a torrential storm, unless you have a boat!!!

Sal Macaraig
Sal Macaraig

Wow , these are shit. These don't even qualify as lifehacks. It's just a list of stuff NOT to do. There are only 2 "lifehacks" here. Sheesh.

frankd4 topcommenter

........................................LOSERs and CRUISERs

these are the ONLY two economic engines of ft liquordale according to spending public taxpayer funds hence the airport runway extention AND the new courthouse building

the CRUISE ships draw some seven out of every ten arrivals by air and these CRUISERs check-into local hotels and patronize local bars and restaurants and get screwed by the local parking violations nazi and / or the predatory towing operators and are OVER-charged and UNDER-served everywhere to such an extent the fraudsters and scam artists running these restaurant rip-offs have to close at the end of every "season" and re-open elsewhere under a different NEW name to cover their tracks

the judicial industrial complex feeds everything from PREDATORY towing operators to judges retirement plans to LEOs overtime for their boat payments and depends entirely on LOSERs on drugs uneducated and unemployable

..................it is why we have a such a shitty public education system (we need those uneducated to be incarcerated) and an even shittier unreliable public transportation system (we need those unemployable to have no chance) - the local yokels don't count here, just tourists

snow-birds learn to find their own way around down here and could care less about the rest of the people here

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