South Florida Hurricane Coverage Panic Ratings
2. WPTV 5 (West Palm Beach)
Any hurricane forecast that begins with clips of past hurricanes wreaking havoc, flooding city blocks, and devastating street signs is bound to be loud and a little nutty. And West Palm Beach's WPTV delivers the goods. Chief meteorologist Steve Weagle has the voice, the hair, and the walk that commands attention and makes you pee your pants a little. He's here not only to warn you but to let you know that if you do not heed his specific warnings, you're going to get swept away to sea like the volleyball with a face in that Tom Hanks movie.
Hurricane Panic Rating: IGNORE ME AT YOUR OWN RISK, CHUCKLE HEAD.
1. WSVN 7 (Miami)
No one, and we do mean no one, loves the impending danger of a hurricane even if said hurricane is literally weeks away from hitting anything like WSVN 7.
WSVN and its giant Newsplex excel in making even the slightest bit of news sound like oncoming apocalypse. And they love to yell at you and tell you how everything is going to be obliterated when the tropical storm hits our parts.
Seriously, look at that footage above. It's like a scene out of a Cormac McCarthy novel.
It's alarmist, it's exaggerated, and it's 100 percent entertaining.
Sure, if your nerves are easily frayed, maybe you shouldn't watch WSVN during hurricane coverage. But if you want a break from the mundane and need a little panic with your weather, tune in to the Newsplex and get ready to be thoroughly scared crapless about the oncoming storm.
In fact, they've already got a head start on the crazy, with Vivian Gonzalez getting on the Twitter on Sunday:
It's Day 1, and already they're circling things on the map that may lead to DEATH.
Of course, Vivian is easy on the eyes. So it all evens out.
Hurricane Panic Rating: ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US! LIGHT YOUR TORCHES, PUT ON TRIBAL FACE PAINT AND WHITTLE A CHAIR INTO A MAKESHIFT TRIDENT, FOR ALL OF MANKIND IS DOOMED!