Best Of Broward-Palm Beach 2014: Here Are Some of the Best Places To Shop
Best Swap Shop Vendor: The Man Cave
Photo by Alex Markow
In our world of Kmarts and Targets, big business has sucked the fun out of shopping. Little Timmy is no longer excited for a Sunday trip to Walmart, where he'll shuffle through fluorescent aisles, surrounded by dozens of bland, marked-down products and giant butts squeezed into electric scooters. And can you blame him? Poor Timmy. Gone are the days of eager anticipation, of wondering what gems he'll discover hidden in a secret corner of the store. These days, the most exciting thing he'll find is an unconscious old man leaning against the ramen noodles. Timmy needs to go to the Swap Shop. And when he gets to the big yellow Lauderdale landmark, he needs to go to the second floor, make a left at the arcade, and walk until he finds the Swap Shop's greatest stand -- until he finds -- the Man Cave. There, Timmy will find rows of samurai swords, axes, specialty knives, manly posters, and ninja stars. The Man Cave sells some of the coolest things you'll never use. Is it unnecessary? Sure. But so was going to the moon. And we did that for the same reason the Man Cave exists. Because it's fucking awesome.
Best Adult Video Store: Booby Trap Love Stuff
2075 S. Federal Highway
Fort Lauderdale 33316
Could porn videos be the new vinyl record? They're something tangible. There's artwork, liner notes, an ability to play it back as many times as you want. Even better, they come with a pause button. Too bad there aren?t as many places where you can go browse the shelves for you and your mate's date night (YouPorn be damned). But Booby Trap Love Stuff dedicates an entire upstairs to digital smut. Ignore the wood-paneled walls and burnt-orange shag carpeting and delve into cl-ASS-ic titles like Bi-Bi Love #11, There Will Be Cum, and Tonsil Train. Plan on having a family movie night before the real fun starts. There's a remarkably large selection of standard fare films -- all on VHS -- that little Dick and Jane will enjoy. But for something a little more hardcore than The Preacher's Wife or Regis Philbin's My Personal Workout, stick to the front of the room.
Best Liquor Store: Total Wine & More
1906 Cordova Road
Fort Lauderdale 33316
Why do kids love Disney World? They love it because when they step through the turnstile and the sea of people parts, they don't see just an amusement park. They see a world -- an endless land of fun, stretching as far as the eye can see. They won't get to do it all. There will no doubt be rides that go unridden or candy uneaten. But the possibilities are endless. And that's exciting. In 15 years, that kid will step into Total Wine & More, and the same feeling will wash over them. They will look over the rows and rows of beers, surely some they've never even heard of. Then they'll get to the wine, gallons of reds, whites, all eager to find a home in a stomach. And just when they think they can't take anymore, when their knees start to shake from joy, they'll stumble into the liquor section. From beer and winetastings to educational classes, Mickey Mouse ain't got shit on Total Wine & More.