Five Best Summer Camps in Fort Lauderdale to Ditch Your Kids

Photo by Denali National Park and Preserve
How do you know it's June?

Everything in your house is sticky. The Disney channel plays 24 hours a day at a volume that would give Helen Keller a headache. The only thing you've had to eat all day is a fistful of grapes and three strands of your own hair.

It's summer. Your kids are home. And you're Googling "How much Benadryl to make 8-year-old sleep for three months."

The transition to summer can be a little overwhelming for any parent. One minute your kids are gone for eight hours a day, releasing all their insane energy on the underpaid punching bag known as their teacher, the next minute they're home all day, missing the toilet and scratching you with their Nosferatu fingernails you could have sworn you just trimmed.

Fear not, weary parents. School may be out, but there are still places that will shelter these little terrorists for the day while you take a bath and watch Django Unchained in your living room as loud as you want.

Here are five summer camps in Fort Lauderdale where you can ditch your kids.

5. Camp Live Oak
Does your kid love to run around in nature? Then they'll love Camp Live Oak.

Does your kid love to canoe and shoot arrows? Then they'll love Camp Live Oak.

Does your kid like to trap and torture lizards? Then stop reading this right now, get your kid, and take him or her to the nearest psychiatrist. I will NOT get murdered in 10 years because of your irresponsible parenting.

Registration ranges from $20 for one week to $885 for three weeks. Visit their website for more details.

4. Museum of Discovery and Science Summer Camp
Think you got a little Einstein on your hands? Well, bad news. So does every parent in the world.

Chances are your little dude won't discover the theory of relativity. This is Florida. If they don't have a face tattoo by their 18th birthday, consider yourself lucky.

But, you never know. Your child may be a little Neil deGrasse Tykeson, and the only way you'll know is if you expose them to science at an early age. The Museum of Discovery and Science will allow your child to make a mess on their quest to understand this universe, and the good news is you won't have to clean up a goddamn thing.

Registration ranges from $60 to $235. Visit their website for more details.

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