13 Things You Learn When You First Move to South Florida

Categories: WTFlorida

Invasive_Species_credit_Serena_Dominguez.jpg
Illustration by Serena Dominguez
7. We Lead the World in Invasive Species, and They're All Gonna Kill Us
Lionfish. Burmese pythons. Giant African snails. Rats the size of dogs. These are just some of the plethora of species from other parts of the world that were introduced into the wild around here and are completely screwing up the entire ecosystem. By "screwing up," we mean they're rapidly multiplying and eating every single thing they see like an unstoppable rebel force. And why not? When you're the apex species and have no known predators, what else is there to do but eat and fuck until there's nothing left? This is how Richie Incognito was created.

6. Las Olas Will Never Be South Beach, and We're Totally Fine With That
Las Olas is South Beach before South Beach was South Beach. It's also void of the vapid look-at-me crowds, Botoxed women with fake boobs, dudes in shiny cars compensating for things, and 'roided up bros in wife-beaters. It's cool in the real sense of the word. Restaurants, bars, and people by the beach. It's alive, and it's fun. It'll never be South Beach, and we're just fine with that.

5. Davie Does Bronc-Riding Better Than Texas
Ain't no better place to catch a glimpse of cowboy hats, rodeo boots, and gun racks on the backs of pickups than Davie. It's the place where the urban cowboy meets the remnants of Florida. Line dancing, honky-tonkin', and bronc-ridin'. YEE-HAWW.



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7 comments
dstiller
dstiller

frightening..we.re planning on coming south but yikes

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michellejdunne

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jamesafong


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rizzmigizz
rizzmigizz topcommenter

Lived here my entire life and never even considered Broward was a human.

Jaime
Jaime

Gold-plated yacht? Uh, that's for the poors. We roll platinum plus in Palm Beach, son.


(And by we, I mean the people that live across the intracoastal from me. Damn, the glare off of those boats is blinding)

Allie Conti
Allie Conti

"like the vatican with an auntie anne's"

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