Ten Worst Draft Picks In Miami Dolphins History

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In case you haven't noticed what with all the Miami Heat awesomeness lately, the NFL Draft is going down Thursday night.

And, as is pretty much the case every year, your Miami Dolphins have the 19th overall selection because nothing rewards mediocrity more than mediocrity.

The Fins have been going on what seems like 300 years of endless futility. And that is due, in large part, to some pretty abysmal drafts.

But take heart! Miami has a new GM now... His name is.... uh... well... It's not Jeff Ireland, so there's that.

Really though, it's Dennis Hickey. And some fans have taken to calling him The Silver Fox which is both inexplicable and borderline creepy. HE'S NOT GEORGE CLOONEY, YOU NUMBSKULLS.

Anyway, as it were, the Dolphins have had a crapload of horrifying draft picks over their long history, making compiling this list so damn difficult. Who do we leave in? Who do we take out? It's like Sophie's Choice if instead of children, Sophie had to choose between two filled colostomy bags.

So, here we go: The 10 worst draft picks in Miami Dolphins history!

See also: The 17 Worst Things to Happen to the Miami Dolphins


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10. Jason Allen (2006, 16th overall)
Super Amazing Football Genius Nick Saban was now in his second year as the man in charge of the Dolphins after Wayne Huizenga convinced Mrs. Saban that Miami wasn't such a scary place and had nice places to shop. In his second (and final) draft with the Dolphins, the man that is lauded as a secondary savant selected Allen who was sort of a hybrid corner/safety/kick-returner with the actual skill-set of none of those things. Super Amazing Football Genius Nick Saban bombed in selecting a player from the one position he knows best about, and then, ran away to Alabama to go yell at college kids because the NFL was too much for him.

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9. John Avery (1998, 29th overall)
Apparently Jimmy Johnson left all of his Draft Day super powers on a fishing boat somewhere when he came to the Dolphins from the Cowboys because holy rattledick JOHN AVERY!!! Know who the Dolphins could've had instead? Hines Ward. Or Ahman Green. Instead, Johnson apparently saw the next Emmit Smith in the tiny Avery and ruined everything. Avery went on to rack up a whopping 509 yards and ended his career with the Fins with more fumbles than touchdowns because, Dolphins.

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8. John Beck (2007, 40th overall)
When coming out of BYU, Beck was actually compared to Drew Brees and Steve Young by some draft experts, because apparently all you need to be a Hall of Fame Super Bowl-winning quarterback is to be short, white and Mormon. Beck was brought in to a QB-starved team and a QB-starved fan base immediately thought he was the heir apparent to Dan Marino and we just threw up in our pants writing this.......

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7. John Bosa (1987, 16th overall)
Alright, let's just put it out there at the risk of supreme blaspheme: One of the main reasons Dan Marino never got to win a Super Bowl was because Don Shula failed him as a drafter. Bosa is Exhibit A in the Crap Your Franchise Record Breaking Hall of Fame Quarterback Directly In The Mouth with bad draft picks. Bosa was a defensive end from Boston College who was supposed to come in and anchor a flailing defense to help Miami's super nova offense. In three seasons with Miami, Bosa finished with seven-total sacks, effectively kicking Marino's chances at a ring in the proverbial sacks.


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2 comments
Joefred
Joefred

Everything is 20/20 in hindsight. Not going to argue against the fact that some of the picks were outrageously dumb, but others aren't so black and white.

Jimmy
Jimmy

Fins going to stop with the diarrhea picks tonight and go instead for a can't miss shart in the shorts.  Hickey is going to BPA, best player available who can't play or is not needed on this team, or maybe a trade down so we can get two of those types.  Truly, I am, as always, hopeful, even if its on the blind squirrel theory.

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