Five People You Don't Want to Smoke With on 4/20

Categories: The Lists

maisiemouse66 via flickr


Who doesn't love to groove to some jams while under the influence?

Why Not: Like, a real, I'm-in-a-signed-band or I-went-to-music-school-let-me-melt-your-face-with-some-Segovia-licks musician, then yes, absolutely.

Play on. But if it's just your buddy who's "doing music right now," no. These are the folks who pick up an acoustic guitar lying in the corner and begin to noodle, and noodle, and noodle, and noodle, until everyone else in the room is losing it. Try to tell them to pipe down or take five, Miles, and they get all angry about how you're harshing their buzz. Then everyone's mood is harshed. Game over, sports fan.

thinkpanama via flickr

Parents (and/or Friends' Parents)

This might be hard to believe for you young bucks burning forests of weed like you're the Christopher Columbus' of cannabis use, but this shit is pretty old. Your parents (or grandparents, if they were some swinging hepcats) were probably exposed to marijuana back when you were just a piece of potential space dust in the ether. Now that the baby boomers are retiring, the social security set is rediscovering weed.

Why Not: Nothing really shatters your hard-won sense of social equilibrium like seeing adults and elders doing something they shouldn't be doing or something they told you not to do -- on weed. If you can imagine how awkward it is to watch adults behaving badly, then imagine it when your mind is twisted into a paranoid pretzel via kush.

createdbyanna via flickr


That kid in the class who's about an inch taller than all the other students? With the thick beard, a pretty solid knowledge of SEC football teams, the one who is always asking about where he can get some "dope"? That girl who works in the massage kiosk at the mall, who seems really interested in you but is dying to get a hold of some... "dope"? Any person with facial hair that seems vaguely synthetic and asks you about... "dope"? Anyone unironically using in 2014 the word... "dope"?

Why Not: No, they're probably cool. Go ahead.

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