Five People You Don't Want to Smoke With on 4/20
Well, America, the holiday is upon us: 4/20, the day they invented marijuana. Or something like that.
Photo by John Gilhooley
Anyway, as you probably know, a lot of people are going to be reaching for the bong on Sunday. If you're planning to be among them, remember to choose your drug buddies carefully. Sticking yourself with the wrong company can really land you in a bad situation or, worse, ruin your holiday. Here's a quick field guide for what you should avoid on 4/20.
Anyone Currently Binge-Watching The Cosmos
Science hero Neil deGrasse Tyson is killing it with his new television special on the mysteries of the universe. Finally, all you physics nerds have been vindicated by a slick high-def series that explores special relativity, quantum mechanics, and all the other mind-blowing aspects of reality. Why not spark up and watch some episodes?
Why Not: Listen. If you have friends who are watching this series, stay away from them when it's time to puff-puff-pass. Exposure to this series is mind-expanding in all the worst ways -- basically leading one to the conclusion that human life is like a piece of dust in sunlight or something like that... basically, we're fucked and meaningless.
You want to be around someone when those thoughts start pumping through their chemical-racked dome? No, pal.
The Cute Girl in Accounting
Every time your paths cross in the break room, she's chatty and friendly, filling you in on the hip-hop shows she goes to, how much she loves Drake. And she's a redhead -- you die for redheads. And she keeps casually dropping those chronic code references like bread crumbs... until... she asks: Can you hook her up for 4/20?
Why Not: Stupid, stupid, stupid. First of all, if you're the chump who supplies her with the good green, her gratitude isn't likely going to be deep enough to spark a true romance. "How did you and Daddy meet, Mommy?" "Well, honey, Daddy sold Mommy drugs on 4/20." These are words that have never been uttered. No, you're just the creepy stoner source.
Besides your self-esteem, we're looking out for your cred. She'll tell Betty in accounting. Betty's a bigmouth, so Amanda in marketing finds out. She gabs to Ruby. Ruby spills to Olga, the night cleaning lady, another chatterbox. Now pretty much the whole office knows you're the weed guy.