Earth Day: Nine Ways Florida Is Screwing Up the Environment

Categories: Environment

Happy Earth Day, Florida! We're all gonna die!

Yes, today is the day we're supposed to be conserving, planting trees, turning off the lights, and collecting all that recycling. But the reality is, things are not looking as green as they should in the Sunshine State.

Florida is a land literally named for all its flowers. But the darker side of things is the reality that Florida's overall environmental state is a mess. How bad is it? So bad that we're turning the Everglades into shopping malls, spewing tons of garbage into the air, and pretty much sinking into the ocean.

So let's all gather 'round and take a gander at nine ways we're completely killing our environment down here!

See also: Eight Places in Florida to Visit on Earth Day Ranked by Outdoorsiness

9. The Slow Disappearance of Natural Habitats
Or, to use the more technical term: URBAN SPRAWL. A couple of years ago, the Florida FIsh and Wildlife Commission released a report that says the Everglades and other wild parts of the state will be nothing but roads, buildings, houses, skyscrapers, and shopping malls in the next 50 years.

We already might be seeing the effects on animals like the Florida panther being squeezed out of its natural habitat into people's property and roads, where the animals are easy targets to get killed.

Not to mention the oil companies that want to drill smack dab in the middle of the panthers' habitat. Because, PROGRESS!

8. Rising Sea Levels
The hefty combination of climate change and summer storm surges is basically slowly drowning our state. According to a recent study by the University of South Florida, sea levels have increased on Florida's Gulf Coast by four inches in the past 20 years. For years, scientists have been giving out dire warnings about how Florida is only a few decades from turning into Atlantis.

7. Power Plants
Florida doesn't only lead the U.S. in screwing up presidential votes and in moronic gun laws. It also leads the U.S. in really toxic power plants.

A recent study by the National Resources Defense Council says that Florida is the third-most-toxic state in the U.S. The main culprit for this? All the shit our power plants spew into the air every year.

Another study found that FPL's West County Energy Center in Palm Beach County is the state's third-dirtiest plant.

The power plant in St. Lucie is a damned mess. And then there's the possibility that FPL might
run power lines through Everglades National Park from Turkey Point nuclear power plant.

Sure this might cause alligators to grow a third eye and panthers to start glowing in the dark, but those things sound totally awesome!

6. Burmese Pythons
We all know about the pythons that people keep finding out in the Everglades. They don't belong there. They eat everything, kill everything, and multiply faster than Brad and Angelina's family. We've tried killing them with contests and declared open season on them, and still nothing works. Experts estimate 150,000 pythons now live in the Everglades, basically because it has no natural predators and is free to roam the state willy-nilly.

In other words, the Snakepocalypse is nearly upon us.

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