Eight Reasons the Broward School Board's Parents' Dress Code Is Idiotic
Last week, the Broward County School Board, led by Dr. Rosalind Osgood, announced that it wants to enforce a dress code for parents.
Photo by Lan56 via Wikipedia Commons
"We have dads showing up in sagging pants," she said, according to the Sun Sentinel. "It's hard for me to tell a child not to show up for school with hair curlers, pajamas, or short shorts if they see parents wearing them. Parents need to lead by example."
Osgood wants to hold a forum about the issue in September and address the apparent issue with parents then.
A dress code. For parents.
Here now are eight reasons why this is an idiotic idea and why we parents refuse to comply.
8. We Have a Billion Other Things We Already Have to Worry About With Our Kids
FCATs, SATs, lunch money, where they're going to be directly after school, that American History project about some obscure figure no one really gives a shit about that has to be done exactly how our kids' teacher decreed on their checklist handout or else face a failing grade even if the entire project is accurate and well-done (This is very thorough and well-researched. OH BUT YOU PASTED FIVE PICTURES OF MARY ANDERSON, THE INVENTOR OF THE WINDSHIELD WIPER BLADE, INSTEAD OF FOUR LIKE THE LIST SAYS... F-MINUS!)
There's bullying, peer pressure, the perpetual awkwardness of adolescence, and the constant anxiety of having to learn shit that will appear on some test but never actually help our kids become more intelligent students because, FLORIDA! Our plate is full, Dr. Osgood. We got a lot of crap to deal with every day. Me wearing a buttoned-down shirt and khaki pants isn't going to make my kid not have an anxiety attack over that test he needs to pass or else get left behind and be the tallest third-grader in the history of your district!
7. We'll Start Dressing Like You Want as Soon as You Start Dialing Back All the Damned Homework
Seriously, what the shit is up with the mountains and mountains and mountains of homework our kids bring home every day?
It's like they're being asked to write a paper on how to split the atom, solve Beal's conjecture, read a massive 17th-century Russian novel where EVERYONE DIES OF DYSENTERY, and write a sequel to The Iliad. But it's not even those things. It's more about them nailing down whatever is going to be on the FCAT or whatever other BS standardized test you have coming down the pike that forces teachers to teach lest they lose their jobs. All this homework and they're not learning a damned thing. All our kids are learning with the Infinite Jest-like amount of work they bring home every single day is how being a student sucks massive balls.
They're also learning that weekends are for doing a huge pile of homework and not at all for going out to a movie and maybe some ice cream. Know the last movie my kid saw at the theater? Cars 2! He was 2. Ever since, he's been cooped up in his room every weekend doing homework with piles the size of the Chrysler Building. We haven't even seen our kid since he started the third grade several years ago. He's buried under a pile of homework. One day some guy with a mustache and a huge Adam's apple is going to emerge from his bedroom and we're not going to realize it's our son and we're gonna call the cops to report an intruder. And then he has adulthood to look forward to! Weeeeeeee!
Oh, but I didn't wear pants to drop him off Wednesday. Pffft.