Allen West Is Selling Freedom T-Shirts on His Website

Categories: WTFlorida

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Wikimedia Commons, Gage Skidmore
Remember Allen West? The former congressman and always defender of freedom who repped the 18 district by saying things such as "Women have been neutering American men and bringing us to the point of this incredible weakness" and called the Democratic Party a plantation and called President Obama a Marxist?

Of course you do.

But, and to show how much you remember him, Allen West is hoping you buy one of his supercool freedom T-shirts from his online store at freedomly sounding PatriotDepot.com.

See also: Allen West Wrote a Book With a Star Wars Title; Will Be Awesomest Book Ever

First off, there's the FREEDOM IS NEVER FREE shirt.

Unless it's a shirt that you can buy for $19.95.

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There's also the PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE SHIRT.

As the description says, this country was founded on Biblical principals, such as the phrase "One nation under God," even though the phrase wasn't added to the pledge until 1954. Your best defense against political correctness is this shirt, just like our best defense against America's enemies is the Angel of Death in the form of an American Bald Eagle that will visit and wreak havoc and destruction upon our enemy's existence!

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And when the liberals want to come and take away your guns, be sure to arm yourself with this baby! It's the Second Amendment Shirt, in case the big drawings of machine guns sprawled all over the shirt were too subtle. This is the shirt Charlton Heston would wear if he were still with us today yelling about his cold dead hands you damn dirty ape!

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But if a shirt with guns on them isn't your thing, but you still want to make it clear that the government is just going to have to come and take your guns if it wants them so bad... why not go with a reference to a story about 300 Persian warriors who were ultimately destroyed to a man anyway, because Spartan helmets and antiquated languages are friggin awesome!

This thing is a Tea Party teenaged boy's wet dream of a shirt wrapped in a Metallica video, wrapped in a bad movie, wrapped in freedom. Molon Labe, mothafuckkaaaahhhhhhhh!!!

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You want one of these shirts? Or maybe even a Ronald Reagan bobblehead? Hit up the store and get yourself two or three today!

Send your story tips to the author, Chris Joseph.
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2 comments
winsomelosesome
winsomelosesome topcommenter

I like the last one.  Sort of like being a conservative commenter on The Daily Pulp.

smdrpepper
smdrpepper

Still a war criminal and has now become a world class douche bag. 

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