Top Six Gun-Related Bills Being Discussed by Florida Legislature

Categories: Gunz!, Listy Lists

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The Florida Legislature has been busy writing up bills willy-nilly these past few weeks, all in an effort to make the Sunshine State not so ridiculous in the eyes of the rest of the nation.

And while there are some important things to discuss -- like the legalization of weed, for example -- legislators are also tackling the ol' Florida tradition of gun laws.

Is there a bill out there that wants to let teachers get their Dirty Harry on and pack hand cannons while at school? Will another bill pass that will give us more George Zimmermans?

It's all a bit confusing. But no worries. The Pulp is here to give you the rundown on the top six gun bills that our lawmakers are discussing in Tallahassee, in easy-to-follow layman's terms!

6. The Pew-Pew Bill
SB 1060: This bill would make it not OK to punish children for doing what children do: pretend play. Specifically, pretend play with a gun that isn't actually a gun.

The law would provide that "simulating a firearm or weapon while playing or wearing certain clothing or accessories is not grounds for disciplinary action."

This one is called the "Pop Tart bill," which apparently comes from that time a boy in Maryland got suspended from school for chewing his Pop-Tart into the shape of a gun.

See, kids, now you don't have to bring an actual gun to play soldier with your friends in the playground! Weeeeeee!

Also, kudos to Maryland for outstupiding Florida. A rare achievement, indeed.

/does congratulatory finger-guns at Maryland
//gets suspended

5. The Moar Gunz in Skoolz Bill
SB 968: Would allow school district board -- including superintendents and principals -- to designate trained personnel to carry concealed firearms on school grounds to "prevent violent crimes from occurring on school grounds."

This sounds like an awesome idea. If every school employee were Liam Neeson. However, since that won't be the case, instead of making it harder for nutters to get their hands on guns, the obvious better choice here is to arm more people.

If the movie Red Dawn taught us anything, it's that the commies can strike at any moment, so we need to be prepared to fight them off when they attack our schools. WOLVERINES!!!

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4. The Don't Charge Me Higher Rates Just Because I Have a Greater Chance of Shooting Myself in the Foot, Bro, Bill
SB 424: The bill would make it not cool for insurance companies to discriminate against gun owners.

"Providing that unfair discrimination on the basis of gun ownership in the provision of personal lines property or personal lines automobile insurance is a discriminatory insurance practice."

Damn straight! Gun owners have suffered the injustice of discrimination LONG ENOUGH. It's gotten to the point where gun owners can't even hail a taxi cab in the city! Gun owners can't even get married in some places, probably!

Besides, it's not like people who own guns are a liability to themselves or anything. Except for those guys who shot themselves while they were cleaning their guns... or that guy who shot himself in the dick and balls while cleaning his gun. Other than that, insurance companies should be totally cool about insuring gun owners!

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4 comments
DonkeyHotay
DonkeyHotay topcommenter

American Gun Madness !!

Jeremy Jensen
Jeremy Jensen

I guess anyone with a kindergarten education can write these. Not one of your opinions have any real facts in it. Yes since liberals like yourself have become the nimrod majority these stupid bills have to be talked about.

Danny Morin
Danny Morin

It's really easy to be a writer for your magazine isn't it?

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