Top Five Dumbest Florida Criminals for January
4. The Lady Who Had Her Little Kid Beat Up a Store Manager While She Shoplifted the Joint
According to police, a Volusia County woman inside a Family Dollar Store apparently took a "50 percent off" sticker and placed it on a toy.
She took the toy and other items to the cash register but was told that the toy was not, in fact, 50 percent off, despite her clever ruse.
The woman then allegedly just kept on walking out of the store with items in her shopping cart, like it was all good. She was stopped and then forced to hand over the cart with the items. She then left the store.
But the woman and her two kids eventually returned to the store. She then began filling shopping bags with things and walked back out without paying.
The assistant manager followed the woman into the parking lot and attempted to write down her license plate number, then called 911 to notify police of the robbery.
Cops say that's when the woman attacked the assistant manager. She punched the assistant manager in the face and then asked her elder child to join in on the fight.
The woman and her kids then hopped into the car and pulled out of the parking space. The assistant manager says the woman then attempted to run her over as she sped off.
3. The Guy That Tore Into A Bag of Cocaine, And Ate The Cocaine... In Front of Cops
According to cops, a Gainesville man, Maurice McQueen, 20, had been sitting in a car at the Kangaroo Express parking lot located on SW 20th Avenue, for several hours, prompting someone to call them.
The responding officers approached the car McQueen was sitting in and noticed he had a hand under the seat. He then moved his hand toward his back.
Police then ordered McQueen to show his hands and unlock the car.
McQueen ignored those orders.
Instead, he whipped out a blue bag of what the report says was cocaine, bit into it, ripped it open with his teeth, and stuffed his face into it like a horse devouring a feedbag.
According to the arrest report, McQueen then pulled out a cup of water and began drinking it, washing down the coke.
So it would appear this was more of an attempt to hide drugs than a situation where he thought cocaine was delicious.
McQueen finally came out of car but pulled a Bieber when he refused to allow police to cuff him. He was eventually taken down to the ground and handcuffed.
2. The Guy Who Called the Cops to Report He Was Being Kidnapped by Other Cops
A West Palm Beach man who was being arrested by Palm Beach County Sheriff Office deputies came up with a foolproof plan to make his escape from the cops.
He decided to dial up 911 and tell the dispatcher he was being kidnapped.
Sean Slocum, 21, was hanging out at the Girafas Sports Grill in the 5000 block of Forest Hill Boulevard on a Saturday afternoon.
Apparently an altercation took place at Girafas, and Slocum was allegedly involved. So he slinked out, probably to avoid trouble.
Deputies from the Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office arrived after someone called to report the ruckus and were told by an employee that Slocum was involved.
The employee told cops that Slocum had left the restaurant and was in his car, across the street from the establishment. When police walked over to investigate, Slocum began walking away from his car, like it was all good.
Police caught up with him and detained him while they tried to piece together what may have happened at Girafas.
But as they held Slocum, he whipped out his phone and put his plan into action. He called 911 and told them he was being kidnapped. A regular Daniel Ocean, this guy.
The police officers told him that they were, in fact, police officers -- in case the uniforms, badges, and patrol car that said "POLICE" on it weren't clear enough -- and notified him he was being detained for his possible involvement at the sports bar.
But Slocum was determined to slink out of their grip and allegedly dialed 911 four times to tell them he was being kidnapped, according to the affidavit.
He did this over a period of ten minutes or so, according to the report. Which means he did this while the cops were literally standing right next to him.
HOWEVER WILL THEY CRACK THIS CASE ONCE I GET AWAY!?