The Seven People You'll See at the Fort Lauderdale International Boat Show

Categories: The Lists

2. Old Boat Dudes
These guys are like Yachties, but much older. They've been around. They've earned the right to wear captain hats and not look silly in them. They know how to tie a jib. They wear red scarves around their necks. They smoke wicker pipes. They can regale you with epic stories of the sea. They're salty. They're old. They all claim to have gone sailing with JFK. They all talk like Thurston Howell III.

1. Gawkers
Gawkers are you. Gawkers are me. Gawkers are people that hit up the Boat Show just to marvel at the size and breadth of the crazy-expensive yachts and daydream about owning one. They come to the boatshow to look at all the stuff they'll never have. And they take a shitload of pictures. They ask for brochures and inquire about the price of a particular boat, even though they have zero intentions of ever buying one, because they can't afford it. They make their kids sit at the steering wheel for pictures. This is as close as they'll ever get to being a bonafide yachtsman. And then on Monday they'll go back to their crappy jobs and bore their co-workers with stories f the giant yachts they saw at the boat show, and man you should really go next year, and man does traffic to the boatshow suck ass, you wanna see another picture??

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ralphpetrucci topcommenter

There are so many people in Fort Lauderdale from MA that do not fit this description -- really not cool.

robert.n.nielsen topcommenter

If you fit the description of anyone mentioned on this list I will gladly come put speed holes in the bottom of your new boat for a very small fee.


Wow sounds like all the douches that go to Tap 42

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