Florida's Seven Dumbest Criminals for October
We have criminals, just like every other state.
But we have our own special kind of criminal. Namely, dumb ones.
And, because we're never in short supply of dumb criminals, we present to you our latest series of the dumbest Florida criminals of the month.
October was special for dumb Florida criminals.
So sit back, relax, and enjoy the stupid!
7. The Guy Who Held His Girlfriend's Grandfather's Ashes for $40 Ransom
A man and his girlfriend, who had been dating for two years, got into a heated argument one day when she returned home from work.
The woman saw her boyfriend standing in her driveway as she pulled in. She told him he couldn't stay with her that night and asked him to leave.
An argument ensued.
During the brouhaha, the man told his girlfriend he had hidden her grandfather's ashes and wouldn't tell her where until she gave him $40. He then left.
The woman eventually found the man at the probation office, where the argument picked up where it had left off.
But, unable to break the man's cunning scheme, she relented and agreed to give him 40 bucks for information on where her grandfather's remains had been hidden.
Holding someone's ashes for $40 doesn't seem to be a major a crime. It just makes you a major asshole.
Where the guy screwed up is, after the transaction was complete, he up and decided to strike the woman in the mouth with her house key. He also grabbed her arms and throat, the police report says.
That's when the cops were called in and the man was arrested on battery charges.
Reggie Diaz was driving on South Semoran Boulevard near Leevista Boulevard in a 2013 Nissan shuttle bus when someone driving what looked like a 2010 Dodge Caravan sideswiped him from the rear.
Both vehicles pulled over to the side.
Diaz then stepped out of his shuttle bus when he was suddenly attacked by a sandwich.
Diaz says the other man launched the sandwich from his car, splattering it on the shuttle bus windshield. The impact of the sandwich sent pieces of it flying around, and Diaz, not exactly sure what the object was at first -- because who the hell goes around throwing sandwiches at people? -- ducked for cover.
A Largo man allegedly grabbed a Dunkin' Donuts drive-through cashier's arm because she had put chocolate in his coffee and extra bacon on his sandwich.
The man, 25-year-old Franklin Robleto, stopped at the D&D's drive-through on 7030 Ulmerton Road about 11:30 p.m. Saturday. Not liking that his coffee was spiked with chocolate and his sandwich had more bacon than what he had originally asked for, Robleto allegedly got out of his car and grabbed the cashier's arm in anger.
Not knowing exactly how to respond to the situation, the cashier threw a cup of coffee at Robleto, which is kind of a good tactic because, as your tongue can attest to many times over, that Dunkin' Donuts coffee is hella hot.
Robleto retaliated to this assault by throwing the tip jar at the cashier.