Five People You'll See During Black Friday at Sawgrass Mills

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Ah, Black Friday.

It's almost upon us.

And while we expect the worst from our fellow holiday shoppers, such as fighting to the death in the parking lot of a Walmart for that last Play With Me Elmo or plowing through a crowd of women and children to get to that PS4, things can get especially weird in our very own giant outlet mall.

As you prepare yourselves for the big day, here are some people you should look out for when shopping Black Friday at the Sawgrass Mills Mall come the morning after Thanksgiving:

5. The Shopping Cart Hoarder

Sawgrass Mills is full of those coin-operated shopping carts. They're convenient for the shopper looking to buy a number of items at different stores. But on Black Friday, those shopping carts become part carry-all, part all-terrain vehicle, part weapon. You'll see families buying them by the shitload, one cart after another. And in most cases, these things are used as make-shift baby strollers for families' preteen kids, who are charged with holding on to each bag from all the stores the family has pillaged.

Mostly, though, you'll see people dragging two or three of these babies stuffed with bags from Target, Victoria's Secret, and the Rainforest Cafe.

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4. The Tag-Teamers

These are the geniuses who found a supersecret loophole in the system that no one can possibly figure out. They can be a family of five or just a douchey couple.

They work efficiently to maximize their Black Friday success by having one save a spot in line while the other goes looking for even more things to buy. Or one will grab that leather coat or television set you had your eye on, and they'll just stand there while the other looks to see if they can find a cheaper price on the same exact items. They think they're beating the system and being slick about their shopping. But really, they're just annoying the shit out of everyone in the mall.



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4 comments
Omar Ghaffar
Omar Ghaffar

Funny! May baby alien Jesus bless them all. At least these dingbats are pumping money into our still weak economy. Leaving the mall today, I saw a line of 100 cars in one lane, and 2 in the other. Which did I pick? Ah, the genius of crowds in America.

Chris Schaaff
Chris Schaaff

It's like an immigration processing center there!

Susan Fox
Susan Fox

Nothing could drag me there ever!

Shawn Weaver
Shawn Weaver

People selling food stamp cards to buy fancy purses..

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