Coral Springs Is the Best Neighborhood in Broward, and Here's Why

Categories: Broward

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Welcome to Coral Springs, the best neighborhood in Broward County. I'm not just saying that; I've lived the dream for 20-plus years. You might be saying to yourself, "Hey, I've been to Coral Springs -- you're crazy." Well, you would be right -- craaaaazy about my love for the city my parents moved our shivering Ohio asses to in the early '80s!

Coral Springs is one of the fastest-growing cities not just in South Florida but in the WORLD. Well, I don't have any data to back that up, but they just built a BJ's Brewhouse in like a month, so it's basically Tokyo if you ask me. In 1963, a couple of dudes almost called Coral Springs "Quartermore," probably because back in 1963 paying a quarter more for something meant it was freaking fantastic, but they settled on Coral Springs; then they invented Facebook. OK, fine, you saw the movie; I'm lying again. But seriously, even dogs in Coral Springs have a Facebook page, so they should get at least a mention in Social Network 2.

Below, you will find ten non-negotiable reasons Coral Springs is the best place to live in Broward, followed by Craigslist apartment ads, followed by my personal information so we can be best friends and get our families together for the holidays.

See also: Lake Worth Is the Coolest City in South Florida

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10. Technically, nothing is HERE, but if you need it, it's not far.
Remember that roommate who never chipped in for pizza but always ended up eating a full share? That's Coral Springs. Coral Springs set up shop in 1964 and decided none of that monkey business was happening up in there, no exceptions. I mean NONE. One city in America disallows McDonald's iconic golden arches sign, and that's Coral Springs, because a huge yellow "M" is filed under monkey business. If we want to go to the casino, we venture over 441, to a faraway land one minute away called "Coconut Creek." If we want to go to the beach, Deerfield Beach is five Outkast Aquemini songs away. Hell, I had to Google it. I was sure at least Butterfly World was in Coral Springs, but NOPE, that's technically Pompano. If you need to mail something, however, Coral Springs is the destination for you, with 27 FedEx and 23 UPS stores to choose from.

9. You really deal with traffic only once a year, and it's the talk of the town weeks prior, so you have plenty of advance notice if you choose to avoid it.
Miami traffic at 5 p.m. looks like a scene out of the early stages of a zombie apocalypse, Coral Springs at 5 p.m. looks like, well, Coral Springs at noon. There are 127,000 people in Coral Springs, and at times it seems like somehow only 12 of them have a car. There is traffic one day a year, the day the town closes Sample Road for a few hours for the Holiday Parade, and even that pisses everyone off.

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14 comments
commenter8
commenter8 topcommenter

You, sir, are effing insane.  Coral Springs hides stores behind trees so you can't find them, then cripples what little signage they do have just to make sure.  It is the most useless and boring place in Broward County.  And when you have to claim that a city is good because you can effing LEAVE that city and go to OTHER cities instead, that's really scraping the bottom of the barrel.  Coral Springs is a suburban horror story.  The only noteworthy thing about it is that it gave the world Marilyn Manson, a graduate of Taravella HS.  He escaped Coral Springs and went on to become the type of vibrant, happy person that Coral Springs could never accept.

Coral Springs will never be a Rome filled with breathtaking Michelangelo sculptures.  It will never be a haven for artists or for partiers.  It is the place for people who should be rotting away in a rest home but aren't quite old enough to become a resident just yet.  To live in Coral Springs is to give up on getting anything more than boredom and blandness from life.  Yikes!!!!!

Trizap
Trizap

Ive lived in coral springs still close to it as a matter of fact im in creek now...hated every minute of it...I never knew what a ticket from the police was until I moved to this town. Fast forward a couple thousand dollars later im in a better place. You can go to coral springs anytime of day any day of the year and police are out giving a ticket without a question..they are some harassing assholes.

anteatersband
anteatersband

Selling homogenized suburban landscapes and monotony.  Pathetic article with no journalistic integrity.  Perpetuating lifestyles rooted in the white middle/upper class and decadence.  Disgusting.

icculus17
icculus17 topcommenter

this might be the dumbest of all the dumb articles on here.

Kristin684
Kristin684 topcommenter

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Donovan Brin
Donovan Brin

One of the most boring cities with 100,000+ people in the US...besides the ones in middle of nowhere, Midwest America.

Brandy Ellis
Brandy Ellis

What a horrible article. I've been to Coral Springs and it's nothing special..

djkitz954
djkitz954

My number one reason is.....if you EVER have to call 911 especially at night. Record breaking times are met ...less than a minute for the first police car...less than three Minutes for four more police...and less than five minutes for the paramedics, and fire trucks to join the party. Go Coral Springs!

Andrew Foster
Andrew Foster

Yea suburban sprawl is just so great. I can't wait to move there and waste away.

rizzmigizz
rizzmigizz topcommenter

@djkitz954 GREAT POINT. If you run out of gas 4 cops stop and make sure you havent been kidnapped, just in case though, they call a K9 dog in

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