Dolphins Beat the Colts: Ten Thoughts on Going 2-0
This is something they haven't done since 2010, when they started that season by winning at Buffalo and then Minnesota.
Sure, they inevitably ended that season with an overall 7-9 record, but this kind of feeling doesn't come very often for Dolphins fans, so who are we to dip our balls in the Slurpee machine?
- Cornerback Brent Grimes is your team MVP so far. Up until these past two games, Grimes was better-known for his raunchy birthday cakes than his actual game. He was having a solid season in 2012 with the Falcons until he tore his achilles.
But COCKCAKES Grimes has been pretty stellar with the Dolphins so far. That INT in the endzone as he covered Reggie Wayne was the play of the game. Keep in mind that before his injury with the Falcons, Grimes was considered one of the best corners in the league. If he can shake off his injury history, the Fins might have gotten themselves quite the bargain. He keeps this up and he'll be in line for Most Improved Player. And we can celebrate with cake!
- Ryan Tannehill still looks a tad jittery in the pocket and forces some shit throws -- or he'll just stand there and forget that this is tackle football and that the defensive line doesn't have to count Mississippis before rushing him. BUT, he can throw darts in small spaces and seems to be getting a grasp of NFL speed. His long ball still has the accuracy of a vertigo patient trying to take a shit, but there is visible improvement. And he outplayed Andrew Luck in this game. So there's that.
- Miami's linebackers still can't cover tight ends. If the Colts coaches had realized this, maybe this game would've had a different outcome.
- Third overall pick Dion Jordan nearly single-handedly lost the game when, during a key Colts drive that could have won them the game, he decided that he was no longer playing tackle football and pushed Colts QB Andrew Luck. He PUSHED him. It was one of the most inexplicable things that has ever happened in a modern NFL game, and quite possibly the most Miami Dolphin thing ever. Lucky for Dion, and the Dolphins, COCKCAKES saved the day by intercepting Luck a few plays later.
- Mike Wallace needs to BITCH AND MOAN SOME MORE. Because that shit works, evidently.
- The Dolphins committed zero penalties in this game. That's fucking bananas.
- The offensive line remains, as ever, a Ziplock bag of dog shit. If they're not careful, Ryan Tannehill is going to die. And enough already with Daniel Thomas whiffing on his blocks.
- We're apparently really, really, super good at finding kickers. Caleb Sturgis is a badass little dude.
- Brian Hartline and his CAT-LIKE REFLEXES had yet another stupendous game.
- Joe Philbin is quite possibly THE WORST SPEECH MAKER in NFL coaching history.
It's an incoherent mess. Like your drunk uncle giving an awkward, unplanned toast at your daughter's wedding. He's just saying words and hoping that if they're mashed together properly, they'll somehow make sense. AND, he's reading off a napkin.
Joe Philbin reads his shitty speech off a crib note.
Still, ole Coach Scooby Doo Villian has our team 2-0, so it's all good.