8 Dumbest Florida Criminals of the Month of September
We have criminals, just like every other state.
But we have our own special kind of criminal. Namely, dumb ones.
And, because we're never in short supply of dumb criminals, we present to you our latest series of the dumbest Florida criminals of the month.
September was special for dumb Florida criminals.
So sit back, relax, and enjoy the stupid!
8. The Guy That Beat Up An Elderly Woman to Get Demons Out of Her
David Edward Benes, 54, and his 80-year-old girlfriend apparently got into a brouhaha that led to Benes' hoping that Satan would be cast out from his lady during the fight.
Apparently, there's a lot of pre-Devil-purging legwork involved in exorcisms, because Benes took the batteries out of her phone so she couldn't call the cops, took her car keys, and even rigged the garage door so it wouldn't open.
Once all that was done, Benes began the exorcism -- against the woman's will, of course.
The exorcism started Monday night, and eventually Benes' girlfriend fell asleep, because the Power of Christ compelled her, but most likely because she's an old person.
Benes was arrested for domestic battery on a person 65 or older and for tampering with a witness and false imprisonment.
7. The Other Guy That Beat Up An Elderly Woman to Get Demons Out of Her
Pierre Franchi, 29, allegedly attacked 66-year-old Sue Ann Montfort and tried to strangle her with cords from the blinds, smother her with a pillow, and hit her with a handheld mirror, all while shouting, "Demons are coming after you!"
The attack lasted for about 10 hours, according to police.
Montfort had taken Franchi in as a foreign exchange student ten years ago. The two had recently reconnected.
But in recent days, Franchi began to act strangely, and the two got into an argument. Montfort says the Frenchman slapped her face and grabbed her wrists. She also says he tried to break a glass coffee table.
Then, on Friday night, things came to a head when she confronted Franchi about leaving a wet towel on the floor. Later that evening, around 2 a.m., Franchi allegedly attacked Montfort while she was sleeping. He pinned her to the bed and told her he would have to kill her to save her from demons.
Franchi was arrested and booked into the Palm Beach County Jail on charges of aggravated battery on a person over 65, false imprisonment, and depriving use of 911. He was also charged with grand theft when it was learned he may have stolen Montfort's purse and a necklace.
6. The Guy That Tried to Pay For His Water Bill With Crack
An employee at the water department called the Volusia County Sheriff's Office to report a suspicious white powder on Monday morning.
A Volusia County Fire Services and Deltona Fire Department HAZMAT teams were dispatched to the area to check out the envelope.
And, upon further inspection, the white powder did not turn out to be anthrax or baby powder or chalk or even cash.
"Interestingly enough, it was crack cocaine," a Volusia County Sheriff's Office spokesperson said.
The sheriff's office is still investigating the situation and has been looking at surveillance footage from the Deltona Water building that may have photographed the man who handed the envelope to the cashier.
He's probably somewhere holding a wad of cash and wondering why his water has been shut off. Also, where all his crack cocaine is.
5. The Lady That Took Selfies With the iPad She Stole, and Had them Appear on The Victim's Home Computer
A woman is being sought by Palm Beach Police after selfies that she took with an iPad she allegedly stole appeared on the victim's home computer.
The victim had his iPad and iPod stolen out of his car when he was dropping off his kids at South County Regional Park in Boca Raton on August 29.
But then, on September 12, the victim's wife suddenly saw some new photos popping up on her son's iTouch photo stream.
The photos were of a woman posing for selfies and sticking her tongue out. A lot.
The photos appeared at their home via the iCloud, a wireless server from Apple that people use to connect all their devices.
The iCloud is widely popular and common. Apparently, though, the Tongue Burglar isn't aware of it.