11 People You Hate to See on the Beach
Guess what, Florida? It's hot. Like, so hot it makes you wonder what fool decided this blighted land would be suitable for humanity.
Just try to relax
So hot your car's full-blast AC isn't enough, and, sitting there, you begin to sweat in strange and unusual places. Likely around your lower back.
Then: an idea. You can go to the beach, where, you think, salvation is for the taking. But beach clubs are expensive, so you venture to the closest public spot and settle down.
But there are 11 problems.
11. The people who brush out their towels right in front of you. Are you insane? Have you never been outside before? Do you not grasp the mechanics of wind? You know that sand that, just a moment ago, was choking your towel? It's now all over our legs and chest. Which, by every approximation, is a much worse place than your towel. We're not saying you deserve to be choked to death on sand to illustrate the enormity of your offense but that people like you enabled Pol Pot in his campaign of genocide.
10. The people who blast reggaeton on their eight-battery radio. Excuse us, sir? Did you forget you're not alone on this beach? Did you miss the hundreds of people everywhere? Did you think no one would notice your $19.99, Kmart boombox? Hello? Oh, you can't hear? Of course. It's because YOU'RE PLAYING YOUR FUCKING REGGAETON SO LOUDLY.