The 11 Worst Drivers on I-95
5. The driver who's a cop and going faster than everyone. What the fuck? What nether world is this? YOU'RE A POLICE OFFICER. Some early mornings, all we see zipping past doing 95 is some black-and-white blur and the words "City of Opa-Locka" or "Pembroke Pines." And we definitely don't see flashing reds and blues. Someone really should look into this. Oh, wait, someone already did. South Florida cops: To serve, protect, and break the sound barrier.
4. The driver switching lanes all the time. Just fucking pick one. Please, for everyone's sake. No matter what lane you chose, the traffic will not disappear.
3. The driver who flashes his brights at you for reasons unclear. Que? Why are you doing that? What are you trying to communicate? Did Little Timmy fall into the well again? WHAT IS IT? Ooohh, you just want us to go faster. Guess what, fool? We can't. You know why? THIS IS I-95.
2. The driver who has mattresses/chairs/bed frames/two-by-fours/other ubiquitous items strapped to their roof. Psssst. Here's a hint: IT'S CALLED A UHAUL TRUCK. You can reach them at this number: 954-525-4125. And no, you can't latch your couch to the back of your Kia.
1. Whoever owns this car.
Rodriguez/Codik Biebsy, is that you?