Christopher Warnig, BroCo Commission Candidate Who Worked In Gay Porn, Buys Body Armor With Campaign Money

Categories: WTFlorida

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Under normal conditions, a candidate running for local office who'd been arrested twice for impersonating a cop, and who'd worked briefly "behind the scenes" for a gay porn company would think very long and hard about what, exactly, he's going to spend his campaign money on.

There are two reasons for this. One, said candidate would likely have very little money, so miserly tendencies would be necessary. And two, campaign finance records are public.

See also:
- Christopher Warnig, BroCo Commission Candidate, Has Worked In Gay Porn
- Christopher Warnig, Candidate for Broward County Commission, Twice Arrested for Impersonating a Cop

But these are not normal conditions. And such rudimentary logic has little sway over Broward County Commission Candidate Christopher Warnig. (Otherwise known as JonaEdenXXX.)

Here's why: The 21-year-old Broward College political science major has announced only one expenditure on his campaign finances, which came to a total of $255.

He's used that money to buy body armor. Just body armor. For his "safety."

"It's a campaign expense," he told New Times. "If I wasn't running for office, I wouldn't need the body armor."

Warnig explained such an expense, bought through a company called NATMIL (?), was necessary for his protection, but declined to specify if he's received any threats or been accosted. "I won't answer any more questions about that," he said. "I don't think this should be public at all."

When alerted to the fact that he'd made the purchase in a public format -- with, apparently, his own money because he's the only large contributor to his campaign -- he balked. "The average citizen," he said, "isn't looking through my finance reports. Only you guys are."

That's probably true. But considering the average citizen doesn't have the time to troll low-level office contenders (but we do!), we'll take this as a very solemn responsibility to alert the public of wholly stupid expenditures. Like this one.

The best part, though? Warnig isn't alone!

Another Broward Democrat has also bought body armor! (Consider yourselves warned, Republicans.)

The Daily Broward reported yesterday, that Scott Herman, a Democratic contender for District 93 for the state House of Representatives, has also bought body armor. But Herman didn't skimp on the cost -- he plopped down $500 for his protective apparel.

Freedom isn't free.

Luckily, Warnig dispatched a press release yesterday to alleviate all concerns we may have. It was a strange note.

Though Warnig hasn't been elected yet, and this isn't a totalitarian monarchy in which loyalty is necessary, he addressed his shrill to "All of my Loyal Constituents."

"The purchase was made due to a recent issue and in being proactive in making sure of the safety of the campaign staff."

Right-o, Warnig.

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And yet he is still more qualified than Rick Scott.


A couple of questions.

1. When you write gay porn, are you talking happy porn?

2. Who needs body armor when ya got it goin' on like Christopher does.

3. Wonder if he'll use Gun Oil "lube" to keep his armor from creaking.


As far as Warnig, I wonder why he thinks of "Unloyal Constituents"

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