LeBron James Obliterates Tiago Splitter With a Devastating Block, Leads Heat to 1-1 Series Tie

Categories: Sports

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With the Heat facing the prospect of having to travel to San Antonio down 0-2 in their best-of-seven NBA Finals series, Miami found itself in its most must-win game of the season on Sunday night.

The Spurs had come off a gut-punching victory over Miami in Game 1, highlighted by a Tony Parker's circus shot as time expired on the shot clock that Heat fans have had to watch replayed roughly 800,0000,0000,0000 times.

But then Game 2 arrived, and the Heat decided to play suffocating defense and shoot lights-out as it went on to blow San Antonio's assholes clean off in a 103-84 blowout.

The catalyst of the victory came after LeBron James ball-knocked the entire city of San Antonio in its collective nutsack with a block that devastated lives for generations to come and caused the oceans to boil, turned the moon to blood, and made the sun as black as sackcloth.

Game 2 was razor-thin going into the second half. Even as the Heat played stifling defense and Tim Duncan was held in check, the Spurs kept things close thanks mostly to guys like Danny Green being total assholes and making every damned three-pointer they'd throw into the sky.

And then Tiago Splitter decided to go head-to-head with the ass-crushing, face-demolishing behemoth that is the Cobradick, a man capable of head-butting skyscrapers and swallowing the moon like an Altoids mint.

LeBron simply obliterated Splitter's dunk attempt, altering the tides and changing the face of the game, in one cataclysmic, bone-grinding block.

What followed after that was carnage. Nine full minutes of mindless, merciless annihilation that will cause people who witnessed it to shudder and involuntarily shit their pants whenever they speak of it.


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