Heat Get Torched by Spurs Again, Are One Loss Away From Elimination

Just as it was in Game 3 of these roller coaster NBA Finals, the San Antonio Spurs caught fire in Game 5, and torched the Miami Heat with a 60 percent shooting performance that has the world champs at the brink of total destruction.

The series switches back to Miami (finally!), and the Heat will now have to do something they haven't done since May 15: Win two games in a row.

Here's the rundown:

We're Living in A World Where Danny Green Is Your Finals MVP
Danny Green has simply taken advantage of the Heat completely ignoring him and broke Ray Allen's mark for made threes in an NBA Finals series when he hit six more of them in Game 5. In what has to be the most ass-wrenching part of this series, Green has been able to run around and free himself of any Heat defender within 800 feet of him, and drain his three pointers. Green scored 24 points and was once again the reason the Spurs destroyed Miami.

The world pretty much never heard of Danny Green before the series started, and apparently the Heat still don't know who he is either, because they refuse to acknowledge his presence on the court. And even when they do, he still drains those those fucking things. What's even more annoying is that the world will probably never hear from Danny Green ever again after this series is over.

LeBron James Got Manhandled By Professor Klump
Continuing our theme of THE FUCK IS GOING ON??, even stranger than Danny Green literally being a better player than Larry Bird ever was in the Finals, was the fact that Boris Diaw pretty much shut down LeBron in Game 5.

Diaw, who is basically Eddie Murphy in a fat suit in basketball shorts, held LeBron to a shit-slinging 8-for-22 shooting. The aggressive, rim attacking, mountain-crushing monster that James was in Game 4 was reduced to an inefficient jump-shot shooting machine. BY A FAT GUY NAMED BORIS.

LeBron simply refused to attack the rim when Diaw was on him.

Diaw put more fear and trepidation into Chinese buffet restaurant owners before last night. Now he's suddenly shutting down the greatest player on the planet. Or maybe he just ate LeBron James.

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After last night.... The Heat are officially the Spurs bitches.



Kremlin - 1

Dan MARINO - 0

LOL !!!

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