Five Florida Dads Who'll Make You Thankful for Yours on Father's Day

Categories: Floriderp

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In case you've forgotten, Sunday is Father's Day. And while you might be scrambling to buy your Dad that $2 sports calendar or getting him yet another card with a cheesy poem about him being there for you from the CVS down the street (again!), maybe you want to remember that you have only one father.

And maybe you should be thankful it wasn't one of these fathers that the universe seemed fit to give you.

Here are six Florida fathers who will make you thankful for your own dad (and maybe motivate you to actually do something nice for him this Sunday, like a rib dinner at a fancy restaurant or something):

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5. The Dad Who Evicted His Son (Who Responded by Pooping on the Porch)
Kenneth Pangborn, was through with his 19-year-old stepson's freeloading ways. Pangborn says that Jorge Jonathan Cruz-Blanco had no job, didn't go to school, and was pretty much a useless pustule loafing around the house all the live-long day.

So Pangborn decided to teach the young punk a lesson with a little tough love and kicked him out of the house.

So Cruz-Blanco responded in the most reasonable way imaginable for a person who gets kicked out of his place of residence by his own father.

He went out and got a job.

Just kidding.

He dropped his trousers and took a shit on his dad's porch, then pushed him to the ground.

When cops arrived, Cruz-Blanco explained the turd on the porch by telling them he really, really needed to go to the bathroom. He couldn't explain the old man on the porch, so the cops arrested him.

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4. The Dad Who Called 911 After Daughter Refused to Buy Him Beer
Robert Hagerman called 911 one night and told the dispatcher his daughter was on drugs, throwing things, and hitting him.

According to his daughter, this was all part of his plan to coerce her into going to get him some beer.

Police arrived to Hagerman's home around 11 that night and apparently found him "very intoxicated and uncooperative."

That's when Hagerman's daughter told the deputies he had called 911 to make stuff up about about her and get her into trouble, all because she wouldn't buy him a beer.

Hagerman was arrested and charged with making a false report of a crime.


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