LeBron James Scorches Pacers as Heat Takes Game 5
Although the series was knotted up, it felt like Indiana was having its way with Miami, man-handling the Heat players at every turn and devouring them with Treebeard Hibbert under the basket.
There were no answers.
And then LeBron James showed up to a pivotal Game 5 and proceeded to punch the Pacers square in the asshole, delivering a must-win with a performance for the ages.
Here's the rundown:
1. MechaCobradick Goes Supernova
When Game 5 began, the Heat looked like five Keith Richards had taken the court. The Pacers' Roy Hibbert and Paul George had their way with them, scoring Indiana's first points and throwing Miami's hopes of winning the series face-first into a fire hydrant.
The Pacers took a four-point lead into the half, but it felt like a 30-point lead.
And then the second half happened.
And LeBron decided to run C//: run COBRADICK.exe mode.
And then he personally torched the Earth into cinders with an epic third quarter that ripped the game from the Pacers' kung-fu grip while causing the collapse of the fabric of space-time as we know it.
LeBron James is simply the inevitable destruction of all things, including seemingly insurmountable leads.
In the third, Cobradick went a sick 7-for-10 shooting, outscoring the entire state of Indiana 16-13 by himself. In that stretch, he also added four rebounds and four assists. He was literally the entire Miami Heat in one massive walking wanton killing machine.
He rarely attacked the rim but didn't have to.
While the giants of Indiana guarded the basket, LeBron unleashed his jumper from all parts of the floor, squaring up, taking his shots, and draining all but three of his attempts while blowing Lance Stephenson's face clean off with nitroglycerin he spewed from his dong.
By the time the smoke cleared, the Triple-A was filled with the smoldering corpses of Pacers strewn about the arena. And LeBron stood above the carnage, and the destruction he had wrought, and he was pleased.