Ten Reasons Why Indianapolis Is Terrible
Don't count Indy down and out just yet. They have an annoying knack for squeaking out Ws, which is exactly what they'll have to do tonight if they don't want to put any chance at the Finals in the rearview mirror. So today, on the day of make-or-break home court appearance for the Heat, we thought it'd be a good time to engage in a hallowed tradition: municipal shit-talking.
Because really, who would want to live in Indianapolis?
1. That shit is landlocked like a mofo.
For the sake of the argument, let's just forget for a moment that Indiana is the only state in the Great Lakes region to that doesn't . . . well . . . really have much of a Great Lake. The city of Indianapolis is really the only major city in America that doesn't sit on a major body of water. Which means you can't do this or this in Indianapolis.
2. The water smells bad.
H2O just isn't a good area for the folks in Indianapolis. A couple years back, an on-going algae problem was discovered to have been behind the foul poo smell coming from the city's taps. Now, Florida doesn't exactly have the purest water in the nation, but at least we can say it doesn't smell like poo.
3. It's in Indiana.
What's the rest of the state like? Imagine someone snapped an aerial shot of a plot of corn fields, then just copy-and-pasted that sucker for a couple hundred square miles. If you had to break up the 50 states into their spirit snack foods (Washington State is a bag of Bugles, Texas some BBQ Lays, New Jersey a elephant ear cooked in lard), Indiana is a brick of Saltines, no question.