Ten Reasons Why Indianapolis Is Terrible

indianapolis-visitors.jpg
tripadvisor.com
Don't count Indy down and out just yet. They have an annoying knack for squeaking out Ws, which is exactly what they'll have to do tonight if they don't want to put any chance at the Finals in the rearview mirror. So today, on the day of make-or-break home court appearance for the Heat, we thought it'd be a good time to engage in a hallowed tradition: municipal shit-talking.

Because really, who would want to live in Indianapolis?

indy.jpg
1. That shit is landlocked like a mofo.
For the sake of the argument, let's just forget for a moment that Indiana is the only state in the Great Lakes region to that doesn't . . . well . . . really have much of a Great Lake. The city of Indianapolis is really the only major city in America that doesn't sit on a major body of water. Which means you can't do this or this in Indianapolis.

rusty-water.jpg
2. The water smells bad.
H2O just isn't a good area for the folks in Indianapolis. A couple years back, an on-going algae problem was discovered to have been behind the foul poo smell coming from the city's taps. Now, Florida doesn't exactly have the purest water in the nation, but at least we can say it doesn't smell like poo.

2942440-welcome_to_indiana-indiana.jpg
3. It's in Indiana.
What's the rest of the state like? Imagine someone snapped an aerial shot of a plot of corn fields, then just copy-and-pasted that sucker for a couple hundred square miles. If you had to break up the 50 states into their spirit snack foods (Washington State is a bag of Bugles, Texas some BBQ Lays, New Jersey a elephant ear cooked in lard), Indiana is a brick of Saltines, no question.


My Voice Nation Help
5 comments
Jessen St Hilaire
Jessen St Hilaire

While I do enjoy reading your paper, I find it rather sad that your journalists can only pick on a city that I actually like & have respect for on a motorsports level (reason #10 - recently won by Tony Kannan, a driver that has lived in Miami, ironically) Solely for the fact that the Miami Heat - a team with its obvious fair-weather fans , are playing against a team with the most hardcore basketball fans on the planet. Overcompensating, much?

thecheckereddreamer2
thecheckereddreamer2

Its rather sad that your paper can only pick on a city that I actually like & have respect for on a motorsports level (reason #10 - recently won by Tony Kannan, a driver that has lived in Miami, ironically) Solely for the fact that the Miami Heat - a team with its obvious fair-weather fans , are playing against a team with the most hardcore basketball fans on the planet.  Overcompensating, much?

jetrun4327
jetrun4327

whole lotta white people...lol good job-


William Alvarez
William Alvarez

this article is ignorant and #9 of this list is just plain racist. Good job new times.

John Pearson
John Pearson

The State of Indiana does not sell packaged liquor, beer or wine on Sundays. You can only get booze in a restaurant. How out dated is that?

Now Trending

Miami Concert Tickets

From the Vault

 

General

Loading...