You Are Now Free to Ride Your Horse to Walmart
Ever get a hankerin' for a whole case of cheese and peanut butter crackers but don't have the money or the means to get to a grocery store other than maybe a horse?
Well, it's this kind of universal problem the fine folks at Walmart like to solve with their undaunted Walmartness.
A brand-new Walmart just opened up in Davie, and, aside from selling mops at $1.47 a pop, it also has a place where you can park your horse, because of course it does.
The Davie Walmart Supercenter, located at 4301 S. University Drive, held its grand opening on Wednesday, and along with offering 250 low-wage-better-not-get-sick-while-working-there jobs, this joint also features a horse parking lot next to its regular cars-and-pickups parking lot.
The store also sells animal feed, which we're sure is supercheap.
Prior to the arrival of the soul-sucking maw of retail to Davie, residents tried to keep the store from opening. In 2006, Davie folk convinced town officials to reject the supercenter.
But in typical Walmartness, the company called up its lawyers and sued the town. A settlement was eventually reached.
So instead of being a 24-hour store, the Davie Walmart will now operate from 7 a.m. to 11 p.m.
And instead of being a 203,000-square-foot behemoth, it is, instead, a 154,400-square-foot colossus. It's the classic feel-good story of the huge American billion-dollar corporation getting its way over the small town. SOMEONE GET DISNEY ON THE PHONE!
But hey, Walmart isn't entirely a cold and heartless giant warehouse retailer. So it threw Davie a bone and now makes it superconvenient for people to mosey in on their horse to buy themselves a 12-pack of light bulbs for $5.62.