Dwyane Wade Brings The Ruckus as Heat Takes Game 2 Against Bucks

Categories: Sports

Andersen went nuts on anything that resembled a basketball after Spo finally set him loose off the bench to smite some Bucks balls and lacerate carotid arteries with his gel-slathered spiky Mohawk (seriously, it's only a matter of time before that thing fucking impales a testicle or an eyeball or something).

At this point, Birdman is clearly the better option over Udonis Haslem and his concrete knees and flailing old duck jumpers.

Yet even with all the ass-wrecking the Heat was bringing, it couldn't quite shake the Bucks. Entering the fourth, Miami found itself up by only three, at 68-65. Ilyasova had dropped 21 points on the Heat. Mike Dunleavy, 16. The Bucks were clinging to the Heat like those fish that cling to sharks, only while sharks don't mind them so much, to the Heat it was pretty fucking irritating.

So it was time to unleash the mayhem known as LeBron Raymone James.

LeBron, who had been scoreless for the third quarter, suddenly remembered that he is the Cobradick -- the vicious, ball-wrecking, defense-killing scourge of the NBA -- and single-handedly led the Heat on a 12-0 run that launched any hopes the Bucks had of stealing one on the road face-first into a brick wall.

LeBron scored, passed, and fucked his way to stretching a 68-65 lead to an 80-65 lead.

As always is the case, LeBron was a catalyst for the breakout. Like a grandmaster in chess, he got all the pieces involved for a quick-strike death blow. A Birdman And-1 here, a Ray Allen jumper there, and a rocket pass to Norris Cole so hot that it forced Cole to throw up a precise three-point shot that caved the Bucks in for good.

Final score: Heat 98 - Bucks 86.

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The Heat now heads into cold-ass Milwaukee up 2-0. Game 3 is on Thursday.

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