Miami Heat Wrecks Celtic Ass as It Earns Record 23rd-Straight Win
The Miami Heat walked into the all-consuming ocean of douche and insufferableness that is Boston's TD Garden Monday night and laid its record-setting 22-game winning streak on the line.
The Celtics were ready from the GO and came at the Heat with a furious effort that spawned a career night for Jeff Green and almost ended Miami's dream of being in the NBA record books.
But by the end of the night, as it has been in recent history when the Heat faces the Celtics, Boston would be left a smoldering, smoke-filled din of destruction, wafting plumes of ash and Jason Terry consumed in the thunderous wake of inescapable doom that is LeBron James.
The Celtics were without Kevin Garnett, who was sidelined with a stomach virus and oldness.
But not having their biggest douche didn't stop the C's from coming out firing on all douche-cylinders.
Green, Garnett's replacement, decided that he was going to be the Ahab to LeBron's Cobradick and came out playing out of his mind.
Green was relentless, shooting the ball 21 times and knocking down 14 of his shots. Sure, it was pretty efficient, and yes, the Heat defenders seemed to move out of Green's way when he attacked the basket as if he had slathered himself in gonorrhea before the game, but a guy that had heart surgery a few years ago and averages 1.3 points per game nearly single-handedly ruined the Heat's winning-streak.
And it would be just like Boston to have a scrappy no-name come up with a Godzilla-dick-sized performance to bring down the world champs. All that was missing was for Green to be white.
Green dropped 43 points on the Heat and had a first half for the ages.
The Celtics simply came out determined to throw a volley of haymakers till they vomited a cat. And the result was a 17-point lead for the C's and a raucous din of douche lustily cheering for the Heat's demise.
It was the Celtics, after all, who wrecked the Houston Rockets' bid to win 23 in a row back in 2008.
But the Heat have been down this road before. Miami found itself down by as much as 16 to New York during this streak and still managed to rip the Knicks another rectum.
And while LeBron wasn't necessarily in Game 6 Mode, he still had a serious look in his eye: the kind that said that it was enough already with all this nonsense and that it was time to club some ass and rip Celtic scrotums off their bodies and staple them to their foreheads.