Miami Heat Makes It 20 Wins in a Row
Things started pretty much how you'd expect from a team heading into its second night of a back-to-back road set for the Miami Heat on Wednesday night.
And the Philadelphia 76ers were more than ready and willing to clobber the Heat with a snow shovel to the face and be the team to end Miami's soul-breaking winning streak.
Things started off pretty badly for the Heat, what with everyone playing like they just woken up from a weekend bender with Mötley Crüe.
The 76ers exploited Heat's shitkickery and tried to go for the jugular early.
LeBron James saw Philadelphia making shots and taking advantage of the Heat's sloppy play and decided he needed to do something about it.
And so he did.
LeBron connected on seven of his first nine shots and brought the pain with four first-half dunks, including his patented WHIRLING DUNK OF INESCAPABLE DOOM, which he unleashed before all of Philadelphia:
Still, the 76ers decided they were going to be total dicks about it and continued to claw their way back into making things interesting, throwing an unrelenting horde of undead, marginally talented NBA players at Miami, including ex-Heater Dorell Wright, who scored 13 points off the bench.
The Heat's lack of available FUCKS in their Fucksaccount eventually caught up with them, when the Sixers began the second half on a fierce 16-8 run that narrowed Miami's lead to just four points.
And while LeBron was curb-stomping 76er scrotums for most of the game, he seemed to hit a wall in the fourth quarter, when his shots decided to abandon ship and stop going into the basket.
Dwyane Wade's relentless defense also checked into the Ain't Care Motel, and the rest of the team waddled around the court like an old man looking for a contact lens.
Then, with 5:26 remaining in the game, Jrue Holiday sliced through the Miami defense for a monster dunk, semiposterizing LeBron, tying the game, and getting that old guy who sits courtside at Sixers games and swats a towel and howls at opposing players like a sildeline troll all excited and nuts. Holiday's three-pointer gave the 76ers an 83-82 lead.
Undeterred, and with his jump shot seemingly asleep at the wheel, LeBron attacked the rim with impunity. But 76er defenders, not wanting to become exploding meat-grenades like countless others who've been wrecked by James' driving to the hole in the past, decided to foul him pretty much every time he headed for the basket.
LeBron sank his free throws when he needed to and kept Miami ahead down the stretch.
It's not sexy, but there's more than one way to brand an opponent's ass with a Cobradick-shaped iron.
After James hit his gimmies, the 76ers again tried to make a comeback.
But apparently Mario Chalmers has the power to turn other people into Mario Chalmers and forced the otherwise pretty careful Holiday to dribble the basketball off his own foot.
In the ensuing Heat possession, with 30 seconds remaining, James missed not one but two sort-of-contested-but-still-totally-makeable layups.
But D-Wade banged onto his NINJA MODE button and slipped past two Sixers defenders to tip the rebound into the hole.
The final score: Heat 98, 76ers 94
While Heat fans crapped a brick toward the end, fearing the winning streak would die a cold and miserable death in Philadelphia, luck and circumstances helped Miami keep the streak alive.
The Miami Heat are now the first defending NBA champion to ever win 20 consecutive games.
So let's dance!
Twenty straight wins.
Soak it in.