Marco Rubio Hates Gays but Isn't a Bigot, According to Marco Rubio

Categories: Politics
marco rubio cpac.jpg

Give Marco Rubio a break, you guys.

Sure he opposes gays from having the same rights as straights in every possible way imaginable, including the right to marry the person you're in love with and the right to not get fired over your preference of whom you choose to sleep with during your own private time.

BUT THAT TOTALLY DOESN'T MAKE HIM A BIGOT!

So said Charisma Boy! himself during a firefied speech to fired-up GOPers at the CPAC gathering of fired-up GOPers who just want their country back (back in 1952, yes, but back nevertheless!)

"Just because I believe that states should have the right to define marriage in the traditional way does not make me a bigot," Rubio proclaimed to his fellow Gay Haters Who Are Not Bigots on Thursday afternoon.

You tell 'em, Marco!

Deriding and being intolerant of an entire group of people based purely on the fact that they're different from you and actively denying them simple civil rights does not make you a close-minded bigot. At. All. Pffft.

marco rubio gays1.jpg

Oh, but you know who is close-minded?

People who believe in science! That's who!

"The people who are closed-minded in our society are the ones who love to preach about climate science but ignore that science has proven that life begins at conception," Rubio said.

Damn right.

Science is bullshit, man.

What with their facts and math and proof of things.

Rubio then went full GOPER INTOLERANCE mode and called liberals "freeloaders," because it's a hate-monger partay up in this hizzayy!!

Rubio wrapped up this groundbreaking, historically erudite speech soaked in wisdom and enlightenment by saying that he already knows how the Lefty Lefts are gonna come at him.

"I'll tell you what the criticism from the left [of the speech] is going to be," he said. "Number one: 'That he drank too much water.' Number two: 'That he didn't offer up new ideas.' We don't need new ideas. The idea is called America, and it still works."

Marco Rubio -- the senator from Florida and next president of the United States of Murca who introduced legislation that would let companies deny their female employees access to birth control, voted against the Violence Against Women Act, doesn't want to let gay people marry, won't allow gay people to become foster parents, and still thinks the whole global warming thing is up for debate even though science says otherwise -- doesn't need to introduce no new ideas.

Because, America!


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9 comments
ChazStevensGenius
ChazStevensGenius

Can someone send me the memo "Science proves life begins at conception."  Along with the Partying with the Pope mix CD.

smdrpepper
smdrpepper

Who wants to bet that as 2016 approaches, the GOP will try to cover this all up as if he never said it.  Because its OBVIOUSLY a left wing conspiracy to use someones own words against them..

KennyPowersII
KennyPowersII topcommenter

Cotton mouth  Rubio is such an opportunist that he doesn't mind that the GOP is using him as a tool in order to pander to the Hispanic demographic. Veep candidate Rubio is not a trailblazer, but he just might be a prop in the 2016 Guber circus act. The new Dan Quayle.

frankd4
frankd4 topcommenter

even SARAH PALIN made more sense than this clown...........the begining of the end for any politician is when he has to go around continually explaining himself, and every time RUBIO does, it only gets more and more idiotic

it's what happens when a politician says things he may have to back away from later BUT he has to say them now to get popular among the major funding sources and those good olde white boys

remember  ""segregation now, segregation tomorrow, segregation forever"  ?.........and then just five short years later wallace had to abandon the entire idea ?

Slackology
Slackology

He is not a bigot!!   He is, however, an idiot... But bigot? I'm not sure.

winsomelosesome
winsomelosesome topcommenter

You left out that he's stopped beating his wife.

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